


Rebounds

by skerb



Series: Postcards From Waterfall [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Hiding Medical Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical Trauma, Miscommunication, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Dynamics, Rejection Sensitivity, Surgery, Video Game Mechanics, sansby - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:48:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skerb/pseuds/skerb
Summary: When someone needs to think on things, they tend to stay away. Sans said he'd come back. When he doesn't, Grillby gets worried. Days later, Papyrus comes to order take-out. Grillby would never have guessed that was the reason Sans was absent.(CH 33-37 - REBOUND ARC)
Relationships: Alphys & Sans (Undertale), Grillby/Sans (Undertale), Papyrus & Sans (Undertale)
Series: Postcards From Waterfall [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089182
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **content warning(s):** medical emergency

Sans had been quiet the whole night through. Grillby kept him in his arms, firm enough to show he cared, loose enough to say ‘I’ll let you leave if you need to’. Grillby didn’t sleep much, being woke with every intrusive thought and shiver against his form. Sans didn’t sleep much either but at least he didn’t pull away.

The skeleton was quieter when they both rose. The embers from the previous night had died down and Grillby looked up from the bed to Sans pulling his shirt back over his skull. Of what he could see, the fire’s marks on his bones were subtle and had only left a gentle dusting of soot where it had touched him.

It could have been handled a bit more delicately, the fire monster chastised himself. It was a simple slip up, but at the same time his mind was going over those three words over and over. Sans had said he messed up, even looked mildly horrified at his own words.

Things had been going well. Maybe they should have continued, to leave the little blunder for what it was. Little.

He wasn’t sure what to think anymore, but Sans didn’t shy away from his embrace like he thought he would. He still leaned into the kiss against his brow and whispered his thanks for letting him spend the night. That he’d come back later, after he had cleared his head.

Grillby had a lot to think about when the skeleton left that morning and he spent the entire time before opening catching up on chores. He set down chairs, wiped down the tables and got rid of the dishware that had been left over from the night before, all while his heart was beating a mile a minute. He was unable to think of much else besides the skeleton’s excuse and those three little words.

The day went as poorly as the previous, this time his patronage was worried for him. Grillby excused himself in the usual way, gesturing that he was just having an off day. Red Bird inquired about the incident, to which he didn’t bother with an answer. He was still so embarrassed for his outburst and Red assured him Sans was a funny guy, and he probably forgave him. After all, he was a very likeable person!

It did little to lift his mood. By the end of the day, Grillby had resorted to burning things on purpose. He kept a barrel of twigs and logs, pinecones and the like for one such occasion. When he felt as though his day was too stressful, he’d pull a few pieces from the barrel and burn them to a crisp.

This time, the barrel itself fully immolated and Grillby huffed, pressing his hands to his face.

He didn’t know what to make of Sans’ absence throughout the day. He wasn’t answering his texts and the one time Grillby had a moment to call him, it went to the other’s voicemail. It was full. He hoped he was just overthinking things.

The fire monster sighed and finished his day, completely spent, both emotionally and physically. Maybe he would take a day off tomorrow, but he didn’t want to appear as though he was upset enough to close if the skeleton chanced a visit.

His thoughts at night taunted him. ‘He loves you’. ‘It was a mistake’. ‘He was joking’. ‘But he seemed upset’. ‘Why didn’t you say anything more?’ ‘It’s too early’. ‘It’s too late to fix it’.

Grillby turned in his restless sleep and finally awoke, earlier than his usual time, to scroll through his phone to see if Sans had messaged back. He hadn’t, which made his heart sink. Maybe he should apologise first? It could be something they were both overthinking, just as before.

He went through the two pictures he took during their date to the secret caverns. The first one pinched at his heartstrings, how captivated and moved Sans looked when he’d first called out to him to snap the photo. Then the other - a warm, true smile on his face instead of his permanent grin.

He had to talk to him.

Seeing as Sans had answered his texts at midnight before, Grillby keyed in the question ‘Are you awake?’ and sent it off. Not long after, something buzzed against the floor. It dawned on him with a strangled, frustrated sigh that Sans had left his phone behind again and he lurched over the side of the mattress to check under the bed.

He was quick enough to see his message fade away on the screen’s light. ‘Hotstuff’. Of course. He grabbed the phone from the floor and brought it up, looking at each device in his hands.

Well, Sans would need his phone back, wouldn’t he?

…

He tapped the screwdriver against the side of his face, concentrating on the echo bouncing around inside of his skull cavity. His soul was heavy, his mind full of ‘what if’s and doubts. He fixated on the three little words he had mistakenly uttered and the fallout afterwords on repeat like a scratched disc.

God, was he an idiot. He swore he had been thinking that same sentence a thousand times over the past day. Sans pushed his hand to his face and inhaled deeply, taking in the musty smell of the lab in the basement as his eye lights wandered over his notebooks strewn around the floor in front of him. He wasn’t sure what was more horrifying; garbling what he had said, or the fact that somewhere deep inside, he had _meant_ it. Not to say that he hadn’t thought about it, but his mind hung up every time he entertained that line of thinking and how Grillby would - _or had_ \- react to those words.

He sighed again, shuffling the nearly-completed box closer to him to assure its panelling was secure. Nothing fancy, he just had to screw on the hinges for the lid and line it up and the ‘vessel’ would be completed. No fancy carving was needed apart from the matrix converter, which he had completed earlier.

Caught up in his self-deprecating thoughts, Sans absently tore into a package of granola and bit into it. He was starting to get a little nervous. It had been enough time for him to brood and Sans honestly missed the bar’s atmosphere. He decided that he would just go over after this - give Grillby a real apology and… admit his feelings. Maybe a little.

He heard a crunch from outside and exhaled a long breath, knowing that Papyrus was likely by earlier than expected to check on him and make sure that he was doing alright - eating and resting as he should be.

Holding the granola bar between his teeth as he worked, Sans screwed in the hinges and oiled the joints so it silently opened and closed, appraising the seams until he was sure it was decent. It wouldn’t be a big deal for him to ignite the box first. He’d be a little tired, but nothing like after his first date and certainly not enough to raise concern. If he could hide it, that would be fine. Sans huffed out another breath after finishing his meagre meal and stood, flexing the fingers of his left hand while his other bunched uselessly at his side.

He glanced down to his notebook and frowned slightly when he heard another crunch of snow. Best get on with it. If he started now, Papyrus knew better than to interrupt if he was in the middle of it. Then at least he wouldn’t argue - not until afterward. Sans grinned to himself a little. What a great brother; he was always making sure he was ok.

The smile fell from his face as he eyed the box, then stopped to open the lid. The draw on his reserves bit and he released a soft hiss, an echo of pain tightening around his soul before he thought to consciously draw from his magic instead. Cyan and gold wisped around his left socket and trailed down his arm in a thrush of energy, forming a nimbus around his finger bones as he held it out.

The gnawing feeling came back and he flinched when he heard a scratch at the door, it nearly tearing his concentration away. The skeleton forced himself to stare down at the open box, more energy and magic licking around his phalanges as he fed it into a concentrated form.

He hadn’t expected the noise behind him and Sans jolted, a spray of magic spilling from his left socket as he twisted his body to see the door as the blinding whiteness in front of him flooded the room. Then there was a flash.

…

The next day was much of the same, but Grillby’s temper had evened out. The bartender set up as he usually did, opening right on time. Not once during the day did he see the skeleton, nor did his brother come looking for him, as though Sans was intentionally keeping away. It caught a thread of worry in his heart and soul with the other’s absence.

As the day progressed, he was starting to get nervous. In fact, Red Bird commented on it, despite not being given any information to the fact. The bird was oddly adept at reading him when so few monsters could. Grillby only nodded shortly, not explaining himself. He doubted that he would be able to. It was just too private.

Sans’ phone had notifications once in awhile, but Grillby knew better than to spy on him. It wasn’t his place. It wasn’t the first time Sans had been absent from the restaurant, nor would it be the last - he hoped. But this time it felt personal, the days too long and the nights even longer. It was affecting his mood and thus, his work.

During the afternoon, there had to be a surge from the CORE, as there had been a power outage that lasted for a couple of hours. It delayed things only a little, making use of his fire in small braziers on the tables instead of the magi-electric energy that powered the lamps.

The routine progressed as usual, after that. Wipe down and clean the bar. Clean the dishes. Take out the refuse. Fulfil orders. Collect payments. Assess inventory. Closing duties. Balance register. Clean floors. Wipe down tables. Put up chairs. Lock the door.

Grillby was worried.

Three days had passed. Grillby had kept an eye out in case either one of the skeleton brothers walked by. He saw Papyrus earlier on in the day, but he had darted down the road so quickly that the fire monster was barely out of the door when the younger of the skeleton brothers disappeared into the wintry mist.

The fact that both brothers were avoiding him now made him hurt. Perhaps it was time to close up the restaurant early; no one save for Red Bird was there, and with his contemplative mood, the patronage were content to leave him be until things cooled down. The restaurant had become stifling lately.

Red Bird understood. He paid for his drinks and left without argument and gave the bartender’s arm a brave pat.

Grillby slunk down behind the bar and over the counter, head in his hands. Should he bring Papyrus into this? If Sans was avoiding him, his brother would know, wouldn’t he..?

As though if by summons, someone entered the restaurant. Grillby didn’t even look up and a gentle plume of smoke wafted from his mouth with his sigh. The footsteps were quick and Grillby decided one more customer wouldn’t hurt.

“GOOD AFTERNOON, MISTER GRILLBY!” Sharply, the fire monster looked up to the owner of such a blaring output and straightened himself. The younger of the skeleton brothers stood before him, appearing rigid and out of breath. “IS… THE GRILL STILL HOT? - WAIT NO, DON’T ANSWER THAT.” He rubbed his skull and shook it as if in self-reprimand. Each of his thumbs hooked into his long sleeves and he began twisting the material. “WHAT I MEAN, IS… I REQUIRE A… TAKE OUT, MISTER GRILLBY.”

This was unusual. Grillby stared at Papyrus for a time, studying his posture: the tilt of the other’s head, how his shoulders hunched ever so slightly. He was dressed unusually - which is to say, unusual for Papyrus: a thick grey sweatshirt and trousers that accentuated his boney form, and bright neon green sneakers.

Grillby leaned up off the bar to gesture, but Papyrus took a half-step forward. “AND MAKE IT QUICK, PLEASE,” the skeleton pleaded. His glance darted briefly towards the door, which he had neglected to close in his hurry.

Everything about Papyrus screamed ‘off’ to Grillby. His fires arranged themselves in a frown, attempting to gesture again, _‘What’s wrong?’_

“EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELY…” The sentence stopped. It was unlike Papyrus. Again, the other’s gaze veered off to the side, as though he wasn’t supposed to be there.

_“.......Papyrus?”_

“STEAK-CUT FRIES, MISTER GRILLBY. IT’S A RUSH ORDER, PLEASE?”

Grillby stood for a moment, then nodded, pushing himself away from the bar and towards the kitchen. He heard something of a relieved sigh from the skeleton and went to work, quickly chopping up a few potatoes to fry and taking care not to daze out for too long so they wouldn’t be overdone like all the other orders in the days past.

Papyrus was acting strangely. Or was it simply because he was trying to hide something? Or perhaps it was Papyrus, acting like his usual self. He wasn’t really sure, but the more Grillby thought about it, the less it made sense. Sans wasn’t even here… why would Papyrus come to get his food when he expressed distaste for his cooking so much?

Grillby stared at the potatoes as they fried, going over it in his mind. What if it was serious, and that was the reason he hadn’t seen Sans lately?

Now he was working himself up for no reason, he chastised himself, blowing off another wisp of smoke in a sigh. The fries were nearly finished and he jostled the basket, his thoughts repeating. Maybe he should ask after Sans?

When the fries were done and seasoned, he put them in a basket and into a paper bag, his footsteps quick as he rounded the corner out of the kitchen. Papyrus was already counting out pieces from a little coin purse, trying his best to wedge his bony digits between the clasp’s small opening.

 _“.....Papyrus?”_ the fire monster tried again. _“How is he?”_

“WHO?” was the reply, as though Papyrus really had no idea whom Grillby was talking about. He was making a show of collecting the correct amount of coins and something of an irritated flicker passed over the fire monster’s vague features as he was made to wait.

 _“Papyrus-”_ he hissed insistently.

“WOW… WOWIE, I JUST CAN’T… SEEM TO-” the skeleton muttered, then fished out the last coin and all but slammed the four coins onto the counter. There wasn’t nearly enough, but Grillby let it slide. Papyrus was clearly in a hurry and he looked more agitated the longer he was made to wait.

 _“Did something happen?”_ He needed to know. Far be it him to ignore both the skeleton brothers completely when they had done the same to him. This was becoming unnecessarily complicated.

Papyrus snapped his coin purse shut and held onto it with both hands, his long fingers twitching at the edges of his sleeves. He was smiling but perspiring, something the fire monster had picked up on as a kind of nervous trait.

Grillby swallowed the knot he felt in his throat. _“Something… happened,”_ he insisted softly, and when the other didn’t audibly respond or move, the bartender felt his temperature plummet in dread. _“.....To Sans?”_

It was quiet for a moment and Papyrus was wringing at one side of his sleeve, looking like he was about to grab the bag and dart off. Then he nodded hesitantly, otherwise remaining stock still.

The silence was the confirmation he needed and Grillby huffed out a rasping, agitated sigh. Half was of relief that his avoidance hadn’t been intentional, but the fire monster felt so utterly upset with himself for not checking up on the brothers sooner.

“HE JUST… FELL,” the skeleton supplied, a little lower than usual. He attempted to sound optimistic, which threw Grillby for a loop as his fire plumed a dangerously deep shade of red in shock.

 _“He FELL!?”_ Several emotions were catching up with the fire monster as his blaze darkened, the same way a fleshy monster would turn pale with fright. Grillby felt his heart seize and drop, his bright eyes widened in shock as every single hurt accumulated in his being all at once.

“WHAT! OH… NO, I MEAN-” Papyrus waved his hands suddenly in a placating gesture, denying the horrible words he had just uttered. “NO, I MEAN, HE FELL AS IN FAINTED! I-I’M SO SORRY, I DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE HE WAS-!”

 _“...oing with you,”_ the fire monster interjected as he rounded the bar to grab his coat, every bit of his fire sputtering and reeling in barely contained panic.

“MISTER GRILLBY, I DO NOT BELIEVE HE’D-” Papyrus stopped again, as though he was making sure to say the correct thing this time.

Grillby had already assessed that Sans was in poor health lately. He wanted to make sure Papyrus felt as though he could be trusted with anything, even if Sans insisted he was fine and lied to everyone’s face about it. He took a moment to compose himself, the rattling of his breath echoing ethereally in the empty bar.

 _“Nonsense,”_ he chided softly, trying his utmost best to remain clear and in control of his fire so the other would understand him. _“...If he is unwell, I should pay him a visit.”_

Papyrus had little to argue with about that, but remained hesitant throughout the quick walk back to the skeleton brothers’ house. Grillby willed himself to stay calm as Papyrus pulled open the door, food in tow, and beelined to the couch.

The sofa had been transformed into a cot of some sort. A large and long pillow cradled the small skeletal form on it and a thick comforter was pulled up to Sans’ chest. Several different bowls of untouched food were on the coffee table alongside Papyrus’ phone, which was chiming with a jaunty tune. The younger brother hissed at it and paced in front of his brother as he answered it.

“OH DOCTOR ALPHYS, THANK YOU FOR RETURNING MY CALL…” The rest of the skeleton’s words were lost as Grillby quickly approached the couch and the skeleton prone amongst its cushions.

Well, he didn’t _look_ Fallen, but Sans definitely had seen better days. He was sleeping, both of his arms tucked under the comforter and the creases of his eye sockets were worn and shadowed with signs of stress. Short, rattling breaths passed his teeth that caught occasionally, as though each inhalation was painful. Grillby stooped next to the couch, his eyes searching in barely contained shock.

“NO, HE STILL HASN’T WOKEN UP…” Papyrus muttered, still pacing. Grillby looked up to see the taller skeleton rubbing at his skull, sockets closed as though in deep thought. “WHAT!?” The volume of his voice jumped to a painful intensity and the fire monster flinched. If he listened carefully, he could hear a small voice through the call speaking very quickly.

“WELL, IF YOU INSIST… BUNDLE UP!” With that, the call ended and Papyrus dropped his phone on the table again, leaning down to inspect his brother.

 _“....What happened?”_ Grillby finally asked, his fire just barely eking out the words through his shock. He was hesitant to touch Sans. He looked so weak that any movement would cause him to fracture. His flames were shuddering along his hands, trying to keep composed despite how horrified he was, as though his entire core was shaking.

Papyrus took a seat on the floor next to the couch so he could squint at the other’s visage as though scrutinising something, long and hard. Then he exhaled quietly and jabbed a thumb over his shoulder, to next to the TV, dropping his skull into his other hand.

“I WARNED HIM TO WAIT-” he began, exasperation in his tone, “-HE’S IMPATIENT AND WANTED IT DONE ASAP! AND HE GETS IRRITABLE WHEN I TELL HIM TO TAKE IT EASY.”

 _“...You do?”_ Grillby murmured without thinking, grateful for the other’s distraction. This had not been his experience; Papyrus was always on Sans’ case for one thing or another. Regardless, he looked to the direction the skeleton had indicated, to a cubic foot square box with a hinged lid. It was oaken and a little shiny like new, every seam looked freshly cut.

It certainly didn’t look like anything Sans would have made, if the small poorly made sign in Waterfall was anything to go by. That recollection seemed bittersweet now and Grillby tensed when he looked back to Sans, his soul feeling tight.

“Naturally,” came a quieter retort. Papyrus very gently patted over his brother’s right arm. Sans did not stir, but his breathing shuddered briefly. “I want him to be healthy. What brother wouldn’t? But he can’t be healthy with such poor eating habits, or pushing himself, or-” He stopped again and shook his skull in his hand.

Grillby looked back between the brothers, every part of his mind sputtering in protest of how _wrong_ this all seemed. His body shouted at him that he needed to do something, force Sans to eat to replenish his energy, to call for a healer, or to do _something._ Instead, his body refused to move, barely registering the shaky, weak breaths the skeleton in front of him laboured.

He should have returned his phone to him. He should have gone over and not taken a step back. Grillby’s flames pulsed wildly for a moment as these thoughts passed through his head, his soul twisting everything in the image before him that… maybe this wouldn’t have happened if Sans didn’t keep away. That his careful nature had made the other reckless and Sans was in such a state because… what, exactly?

He was going in circles. He had forgotten where he was until Grillby heard a subtle noise next to him, drawing him back to the present. In the time it took for the fire monster to calm his tumultuous thoughts, the skeleton next to him had composed himself as well, drawing in a great big breath, then he exhaled. Grillby felt the subtle gust against his flames and watched quietly, keeping his flames lowered as he gave the other a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“If… If I am entirely honest, Mister Grillby,” Papyrus murmured after a moment, still wringing the sleeves of his sweater around his thumbs, “When you called me before, from the hotel in Hotland, I was worried.”

Grillby nodded, watching Sans in stunned silence. The sleeping skeleton’s breath caught again and Papyrus leaned forward to check, and it was all Grillby could do to keep himself from doing the same. Whatever he did with the small pass against Sans’ skull seemed to soothe him, and Papyrus rested back on the floor. The fire monster remained fixed on the spot, staring. He couldn’t do anything… He was sure if he tried something, he’d be asked to leave. He wanted to be here. Of that, he was certain.

“I know my brother tries his best. He really does. Ever since-” Grillby’s gaze flicked to the other when Papyrus stopped himself short, as though he wasn’t supposed to be talking about something. The fire monster got the feeling that Papyrus needed someone to talk to, but keeping secrets was difficult for him.

 _“....Ever since?”_ Finally finding the words to speak, he nudged carefully to get Papyrus to continue.

“Sans’ health… has always been rather poor,” the taller skeleton finally admitted, seemingly hiding something again. “It’s not a big secret. Not really, with the way he’s always sleeping. He likes to pretend he’s ok. It’s actually quite selfish, now that I think about it!”

Grillby’s mouth cracked in an awkward smile. Wasn’t it just the other week when he asked Sans the same thing? He nodded gently, since Papyrus didn’t appear to understand his expressions all too well.

“I’m glad you treat him the same as before you knew,” the skeleton continued, even more quiet. “I know it really gives him a reason to stay.”

The bartender’s smile dropped but he took care to hide it behind his blaze. He stood restlessly by the couch, not knowing what to do until Papyrus started to pull out the fries from the takeout bag. However disgusted he looked with the prospect, the younger brother picked up one of the less greasy fries and held it to his brother’s mouth. Grillby was surprised with how calmly Papyrus was keeping himself together and drew strength from that. Well, if he could get himself together with Sans in such a state, was it really that bad..?

He had to chastise himself for those kinds of thoughts. He had panicked at the resort after discovering Sans’ abysmal health levels, how the skeleton had been unresponsive. How he felt the crush of danger, the fear of _death,_ and not knowing how to process it all, he had shut down. Become stoic. He was a lot more invested now - and it hurt more than anything to see Sans in such a state.

“Sometimes you just have to have patience,” Papyrus sighed in resignation. “He won’t eat any of my masterful dishes. His taste is always so horrible, especially lately! Evidently, his bad taste spills over to when he’s unconscious, too.” In the usual, peculiar way Sans ate before his mandible unfused, a portion of the fry was absorbed, but a lot of the piece remained. His brother seemed to be extremely relieved with that.

The untouched food on the table must have been for Sans, Grillby realised, pulling himself out of his cyclical panic. His temperature spiked just a little with the thought; how long had it been since this had happened? His core twisted with the new worry. No, Papyrus had to have found Sans right away… right?

Papyrus didn’t say much after that, but gently chastised his sleeping brother as he attempted to get his magic to absorb more food. Grillby found himself more quiet than before when the skeleton revealed his efforts to feed Sans after finding him had been without success. A few fries took almost an hour to disappear but Sans’ breathing still remained strained and soft.

Papyrus urged him to touch him. “HE’S NOT GOING TO BREAK, AFTER ALL!” he reasoned, more of that convincing bravado the fire monster couldn’t connect with. The warmth of Grillby’s hand seeped through his glove as he gingerly reached out to stroke the side of Sans’ skull, fire licking out longingly from under his cuffs to gauge the other’s state and his heart heavy with concern. It was a soothing gesture but it was complicated. His flames betrayed him in that respect. It was hard not to care so much when he saw Sans like this.

“I THINK - NO! I _KNOW_ MY BROTHER WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR PRESENCE. HE WOULD NEVER ADMIT-” Papyrus was cut off by his phone and dove over to answer it, something of a mix of excitement and irritation bristling off him. “WOWIE, TWO PHONE CALLS IN ONE DAY! LOOK OUT, WORLD! HELLO, THIS IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS SPEAK-... OH GOLLY! ALREADY!?”

Grillby had seated himself next to the couch to keep an eye on Sans while Papyrus hopped to his feet, looking suddenly more excited. As he listened to the small, quick little voice on the other end of the line, the fire monster gave him an enquiring look. Hopefully Papyrus had sense enough to call for a healer or a doctor - of course he did, what was he thinking? He had clearly overheard him speaking with a _doctor_ over the phone earlier.

“OH, THAT’S INCREDIBLE! AN ABSOLUTE INGENIOUS PLAN! THANK YOU! I’LL MAKE SURE THE HEAT IS CRANKED FOR WHEN YOU GET HERE-” He faltered and looked to the fire monster, as though realising something, “OH… YES, OF COURSE.” His voice was lower and sounded more apprehensive. The fidgeting started up again, then rather abruptly Papyrus turned and went to the kitchen.

Grillby resorted to watching Sans and even attempted to bring food to his mouth. It wasn’t unusual for monsters to do this, but it seemed oddly intimidating at the same time. A little more time passed and the fry was absorbed, and only when it was fully gone did Grillby feel the tightness of fear in his chest ease.

He knew Papyrus was trying to assure himself with the small talk, but it only made Grillby feel ill. Of course he was concerned, and the way the other left for privacy made him think he probably shouldn’t be there. It was a family matter. Whomever was on their way - _the doctor,_ Grillby corrected himself - would likely feel awkward with him lurking about, even if he wanted to stay to make sure Sans was alright. It was the very least he could do; Sans had snuck into his own home to make sure he was alright after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [thefloatingstone/c-puff](https://thefloatingstone.tumblr.com/) has drawn art [here (sfw!)](https://skerbbie.tumblr.com/post/179278966990/) for this chapter!! Go check it out! It's hella amazing!!!!! :DDD  
> \---  
> Sans _did_ have every intention of coming back!
> 
> Umm, I really forget what to write here other than this twist was unexpected. You know something's wrong when Papyrus of all people shows up to ask for greasy food to GO? Of course Grillby would insist on going to check!
> 
> And then there's a reason beyond "they're lazy" for why Papyrus dislikes the item boxes!
> 
> Good thing help is on the way. :3c
> 
> ~~I'm sorry this chapter blindsided everyone. To be honest, ME TOO orz;;;;~~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphys arrives to stabilise Sans, while Grillby stays to assist. Working with Papyrus and Alphys offers little answers as to what happened, nor to why Sans is blocking out anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **content warning(s):** medical, mild soul surgery, panic attack during surgery, medical drug usage, injured/ill character(s)

More time passed in silence while Papyrus was on the call in the kitchen. With the other’s boisterous volume, Grillby was able to hear his side of the conversation with astounding clarity: Sans would be nervous. He would ‘react’. They had to be careful. No, ‘he’ already knows and that was fine. ‘He’ could help.

Grillby was pretty sure ‘he’ was the ambiguous entity being talked about and he wasn’t sure how to take that. He picked up on a lot of things, being a bartender in a gossiping small town, but he felt out of the loop on this one. It was clear that he was the subject but he couldn’t dismiss the ominous feeling at the pit of his core.

Nervously and attempting to keep his body’s flames under control, he stroked over the side of Sans’ skull, thumb moving in gentle circles just above his temple. His soul hurt, quietly whispering with his fire for the other to wake up, that he would be alright… It wasn’t long before his internal malaise rose and his flames popped in a start when he heard a quick succession of knocks at the door. Carefully, he slid his hand away from Sans and folded both of them over his lap just as Papyrus passed and swung open the door.

A stout yellow lizard monster stood completely enveloped in layers and layers of clothes but still managed to look cold. Her large round glasses immediately fogged up when she was welcomed inside and she scurried over to the couch with an armful of binders and a cell phone that had several charms hanging from it that it was a wonder it could be used at all.

“O-oh, hello!”

Grillby, caught off-guard and unsure of the stranger, moved to gesture; _‘Good evening.’_

“MISTER GRILLBY, THIS IS DOCTOR ALPHYS. SHE IS… SOMETHING OF A PERSONAL DOCTOR, EVEN THOUGH THAT IS NOT HER ACTUAL PROFESSION. BUT SHE IS ALSO A VERY GREAT FRIEND!” Papyrus introduced candidly, gesturing to the visitor. He dropped his cell phone on the tabletop again and looked at her expectantly.

She seemed nervous. Extremely so. Grillby hadn’t met a monster so skittish before in his life. He attempted to smile a little to alleviate her apparent discomfort, but the action felt hollow. At least he knew who she was by name; she was the royal scientist.

“We… we um, we’ll need some room,” she began, her voice small after she sent a cursory glance over to Sans on the couch. Grillby got to his feet and stepped away from the couch, remaining silent as Papyrus complained loudly about the doctor not bringing any supplies. His movements were automatic but his body felt stiff as every part of him felt like it was hopeless, frightened. Scared of what might happen.

He couldn’t think this way; Sans was strong. Looking back to him, it didn’t look that way unfortunately.

“I.. I did!” She dropped a few binders on the floor next to the couch as Papyrus moved the coffee table at a right angle at her request, then she started punching things into her phone. “I, I was actually… going to tell Sans earlier, but he, um, he didn.. hadn’t been answering his texts, and-” She pulled out an antenna from the device and it unfolded into a square wire and the space inside of it shifted. “P-pretty neat, huh?”

“IT LOOKS INELEGANT AND FRAGILE! I’M EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED??”

“It, it’s a prototype!” the girl shot back, her face turning pink in embarrassment. She reached into the space and her claw disappeared from view, then it pulled up something that looked like a long pole with looped hooks at the top and wheels on its base. While Grillby had his reservations about the jittery visitor, her supplies looked medical, at least.

Papyrus’ reaction was immediate; “WOWIE!! YOU’VE GONE AND MADE MY BROTHER’S LAZY INVENTION INEXHAUSTIBLY PORTABLE!!”

The little doctor was preoccupied, having set her phone on the coffee table and she reached inside for more supplies.

“L-let’s see… magi-aethers 28, 47 and 114, corticosteroid flux, couplers, CORE-ion suppressants, magi-alkaline dehydranoxoline…” She listed them off, more to herself than to the others, who shared a concerned look. Alphys paused when she had all the items out on the table: some were bags of variously coloured liquids, one was a thin applicator, some coils of tube structures, tape, and something that looked like a stacked roll of pastille candies.

She was in her own little world for a moment and looked less nervous than previously, until she realised Grillby was watching intently, trying his best to keep sentry while at the same time keeping himself pulled together. Alphys paused after pulling the comforter off of Sans and she gasped, her claws covering her mouth.

“Pa.. Papyrus?”

“YES! I AM READY TO BE OF ASSISTANCE, DOCTOR ALPHYS!” He was immediately at her side. He easily peered over the smaller monster’s shoulder and couldn’t hide a grimace at the sight. “OH… YES, THAT HAPPENS ONCE IN AWHILE. IT’LL ATTACH ITSELF ONCE HE RECOVERS! IT’S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!”

Grillby had seen what she was referring to and sputtered inaudibly; Sans’ right arm was detached at the shoulder but was laid beside him on the couch. The magic at his socket was coiling and flickering restlessly and if he hadn’t witnessed Sans’ leg detached at Waterfall, it would’ve made for a horrifying sight. It still made him uneasy and another shudder went through his flames akin to a shiver, their hues darkening briefly.

The doctor inhaled deeply to recollect herself, then turned back to her supplies and instruments. She fixed the assembly and hoisted a clear bag with cloudy cyan fluid inside and fixed tubes to it, every movement deliberately careful.

“Some.. someone’s gotta hold him down,” she said quietly after a moment of hesitation. Papyrus moved to Grillby’s side to volunteer and offered him a reassuring but nervous smile. Grillby didn’t know what to make of it - whether or not Papyrus was being strong for him despite how frightened the two of them were, the brother was obviously keeping himself together far better than Grillby thought he was doing.

“Um, Grillby, right? When he wakes up, you try to calm him. He… He’s very nervous with medical procedures b-but, this is necessary to.. to ensure he doesn’t—I, I mean, if you want to help, that is. If you want to… If you’d rather not, I com.. completely understand!”

The fire monster swallowed the knot in his throat, realising he hadn’t spoken a word since insisting that he would stay. It took awhile for him to sort out his words, fire crashing around his mouth as he tried to quell his worry. _“..........I’ll do my best to assist,”_ he breathed through another nervous pulse of flames. Gesturing under these circumstances seemed highly inappropriate.

“Please, um, if you can, stay clear of the tubing,” she added, eyeing the flaring blaze, to which the bartender nodded shortly and adjusted himself. He crouched beside the sofa out of the way of the equipment as she wheeled it closer to her, the dip in temperature only _just_ bearible.

He was attentive, not knowing what kind of procedure would be taking place. Papyrus seemed equally nervous now and had each of his hands firmly grasping at his brother’s shoulders. Alphys had fixed a tube leading from the hung bag and was in the middle of disrobing a few layers of sweaters so she could roll up her sleeves and adjust her glasses. She looked the most anxious out of all of them and if Grillby was battling with his emotions, he could only wonder how this poor woman was faring on the inside as well.

Grillby expected it to be a rude awakening of sorts, but nothing had prepared him for the invasive procedure Alphys preformed. She hitched Sans’ shirt up over his ribs and accessed the space underneath with her claws, needle-sharp pin in one hand and a fastener in the other. It had been quick and Papyrus held Sans down with the resulting jolt when a fettered weak light sputtered from the connection under his ribs.

A sharp breath came from the prone skeleton coupled with a strangled, weak cry. Alphys worked quickly but she was visibly shaking the faster Sans’ breaths became. Once fixed, she held down the skeleton’s rib cage to prevent him from moving and notched a dial on the tubing near the top. The swirling thin liquid then traveled down the tube and disappeared into the low light of the other’s chest cavity.

Alphys exhaled deeply as though she had been holding her breath. She chanced a look to Papyrus, who was no longer smiling but hanging over his brother’s body to hold him down. Sans had tensed up, his left arm taut and his phalanges gripping at the bunched comforter at his side.

 _“.....Will he be alright?”_ the fire monster hesitated to ask, just as a pathetic cry escaped the smaller skeleton. It tore at his heart when Sans thrashed his skull to one side, face contorted in pain. Under the covers over his lower half, he saw Sans kick feebly and he desperately wanted to reach out and heal him, despite how his efforts in Hotland had failed before.

“Initial insertion to the soul complete,” the doctor reported, “Papyrus, you’re doing an.. an excellent job, th-thank you.” She turned to face the fire monster, something sad in her eyes, “He’s, um… He’s going to be ok!” She didn’t sound entirely convinced and the fire monster felt his temperature dip at her tone in veiled panic - but she continued with her work, strapping up another bag of liquid that had a darker indigo fluid in it. When his fire’s light caught it, the colour shifted from blue to violet and red. “We’re, um, we’re stabilising him, until he’s ok to eat on his own. He expended a lot of um, magic… and for someone like him, it’s incredibly dangerous!”

“I HATE THOSE BOXES!” Papyrus boomed vehemently, “THEY’RE NOT WORTH IT! I DON’T CARE WHAT HE THINKS. CORE MAGIC ISN’T HELPFUL!! IT’S DANGEROUS!”

“It, it has its merits. But, um… No, he shouldn’t be… I-I mean,” Alphys tittered nervously, her hands shaking more. “He messaged me on UnderNet before, just in case. But I didn’t realise it would be this.. this bad! He’s a stubborn guy, but-” She shook her head and grabbed the third bag from the coffee table and linked it with the first with another tubing.

Sans’ breaths had hitched up and tears were pricking at his closed sockets. A soft, continuous whine came from him that wrenched at Grillby’s heart and he reached over and soothingly stroked the other’s skull with a gentle reassuring hum of fire. The prone skeleton stopped, then whimpered lowly, magic sparking under his ribs where the tubing must’ve been connected with his soul.

Alphys seemed to glare down at Sans for a moment, her brow ridge knitting in concentration. “Papyrus, he’s, um… he’s blocking me out. Can you Check him?”

Papyrus sounded aghast; “I CAN’T EITHER! THAT’S THE FIRST THING I TRIED WHEN I FOUND HIM! HENCE WHY I OPTED TO CONTACT YOU!” He seemed genuinely distressed as he struggled to keep Sans down, the sound of bones jostling filling the air.

Grillby leaned closer to Sans, cupping one side of his face with a hand as he whispered softly, _“Sans… Please cooperate. Your brother and the doctor want to help you.”_

“no-” was the weak reply, just barely audible as an ever increasing rush of panicked breathing came over the older brother, “no, no… no, please. no doctors… i’ll be good - i’m good. i’m ok, i pr.. promise… don’t… don’t hurt me… i’ll be good… don’t… _don’t-”_

Grillby looked to Papyrus’ face for help, but the other brother just shook his head, not knowing what to do. He was at a loss himself, unable to disconnect his friend in such a state and the continuous stream of disbelief that this had happened - or even _how_ it had happened. And now the panicked little mutters ignited bursts of fear and sympathy inside of him, threatening to overcome him. He looked back to Sans, who turned his skull again, trying to wrench himself free.

“it.. it _hurts,_ please.. please, i don’t.. i don’t want to.. do it anymore, please.. i’m tired.. i’m s.. so tired…”

“Grillby-” Alphys’ voice caught the fire monster’s attention through its firmness and he looked at her sharply, eyes bright as though fighting through invisible tears, “Can you.. Can you try to Check him?”

It was generally frowned upon to do so, especially out of fights, but this was a serious situation. Grillby wasn’t sure if he could handle the feeling of knowing that the other’s health had quite possibly plummeted into the Fallen decimals - _again,_ he realised with a silent gulp. With a shudder in his flames, he nodded somberly and cupped the other’s face in his hands, trying to keep himself from trembling.

Sans flinched visibly with the hesitant inquiry to his soul. Grillby made it more of a request, not wanting to force the other’s soul into anything it didn’t truly want. What hit back at him was a pitiful fear coupled with an insurmountable devastation that everyone would think lowly of him if word got out - that, and a terror beyond all measure of anything medical.

Grateful for Sans’ cooperation with him, the fire monster patted his skull, smoothing his fingertips over the stressed ridge of bone under Sans’ eye sockets to wipe at the tears that had fallen.

 _“....Four points,”_ he reported hoarsely, a little surprised considering how Sans looked.

“it hurts,” Sans insisted softly, his voice rasping and raw as he tried again to turn away from his brother’s hold on him, “it hurts… please, let me go… i want my bro… i want… to s-see him-!” His voice escalated in volume and Papyrus leaned over him, just in time for Sans’ eye sockets to open.

This time he was staring up at his brother, breaths rising in speed but he had stopped struggling. His eye lights were hazy and unfocused, but once they settled on Papyrus, Sans froze as though in fear.

 _“no-”_

Papyrus grinned down at him, relieved that his brother had regained consciousness, “I’M HERE, SANS! YOU’RE ALRIGHT. NO ONE IS HURTING YOU!”

With Sans’ pause, Alphys continued her work and dialled another knob between the indigo bag and the last one, filled with a bright fuschia that glittered with flashes of chrome. The liquids pooled together down the tube and once out of sight, Sans’ breath shuddered as it was absorbed into his body.

“feel hot…” He sounded delirious, clearly not understanding what was going on.

“Sans… it’s, um, the CORE-ion suppressants,” the doctor informed him, unsure if giving the information would help.

 _“...You’re doing very well,”_ the fire monster congratulated him, his own soul thrumming hard after the most horrifying and heartbreaking thing he’d ever witnessed. With his voice sounding tight however, Sans’ face twisted in agony and fresh tears slipped down the sides of his cheek bones.

“no-” His voice was a whimper, “no, what..? why’s… _why..?”_

Grillby wasn’t sure how to take the rejection; it almost felt like a spray of water, stinging him down to the core. _“You are,”_ he insisted emphatically, distantly surprised at the strength of his tone. _“Your brother is taking good care of you.”_ Sans nodded at that, as though wanting to believe it. The fire monster was unsure if Sans was truly cognizant at that moment. _“...I’ll take care of you, too.”_

“Well, he’s absorbing the aethers without a hitch, so…” Alphys trailed off and exhaled sharply, taking a moment to wipe her brow on her sleeve and check the connections. “He should stabilise overnight. I h-have something for him to regulate his magic output,” she added, looking to Papyrus. He looked worn out and defeated, but he was still smiling down at Sans in relief. “Once he isn’t at risk of another, um… I’ll affix it after he lets me Check him.”

Sans sunk in and out of consciousness but for the most part he was in a state of delirium. He continued to whimper for them to stop, but Papyrus and Grillby both took turns to soothe him and make sure he was comfortable. Alphys took a moment to sit and write things down in one of the binders that she’d brought, staying quiet for the most part. Grillby found her silence while she did so unsettling, at best.

When prompted, Papyrus showed her the dimensional box Sans had ignited not too far away.

“It’s… It’s bigger than the others,” she noted, frowning as she opened the hinged lid. She peered into the vortex and reached inside, taking out what had to be someone’s discarded shoe. “Looks like he was… successful, at least.”

“I HATE IT,” Papyrus insisted emphatically.

Alphys didn’t have anything to say to that, but jotted down more notes in her binder after putting the shoe back inside and closing the lid.

Grillby stayed by Sans’ side to ensure that he didn’t thrash about when the others went a little ways away. He didn’t know what to make of all this. Sans’ poor health aside, he understood why the skeleton was so jumpy when they both traveled through the CORE. If CORE magic was dangerous and this was the result… he didn’t know what to make of it.

If it was connected in any way with the other’s shortcuts, no wonder Sans had a difficult time. It hurt that Sans had forced himself throughout Waterfall. It hurt that he was alone through his struggles - especially with how things turned out, with Papyrus revealing that he had been found this way…

The doctor and Papyrus had resorted to chatting amongst themselves, trusting Grillby to watch over Sans as they quietly argued about something. It didn’t seem to be in correlation to Sans and it was none of his business, but he heard a few things.

“...and in regards to the, um… the vents… they seemed to have cleared up, my cameras, though…”

“CAN WE NOT JUST..? PERHAPS IF I TOOK A LOOK AT THAT-”

“N-no, that’s ok! Y-you need to.. to stay here, and look after… but if you can show me the, um, the workshop-”

“IT’S NOT FAR, JUST AROUND BACK IN THE BASEMENT-”

Grillby stopped listening when he heard Sans stir again. He remained sitting on the floor so he could listen to the other’s breathing; it was better than before, but it sounded harsher.

Sans was attempting to move, his skull tilting to one side with the effort and a grimace on his face. When Sans opened his eye sockets, he appeared to be looking right through Grillby. The fire monster felt his heart drop for the umpteenth time that evening and gently rested his hand against Sans’ sternum in case he felt the urge to rise.

“fire,” came the confused mumble. Sans’s eye lights guttered out briefly and Grillby shot a worried look over his shoulder to Papyrus before whirling his attention back. “um, can i… go home now..?”

 _“You are home,”_ the fire monster reminded him gently. _“Rest easy.”_

Sans nodded shortly, the movement looking weary. For a time his eye lights returned, but he was staring ahead as his breath rattled.

“don’t.. don’t tell on me…”

 _“I won’t, Sans. You’ve done well,”_ the fire monster consoled him, and moved so he could reach over and take the skeleton’s left hand. He then looked up to the liquid dangling from the medical pole behind the couch out of view and his eyes followed the thin tubing that went under the other’s shirt.

His eyes were drawn back to Sans’ face when the skeleton whimpered again, as though in fear. “there’s… five more.”

 _“Five more..?”_ Grillby knew it was likely a bad idea to converse with Sans this way, but he had a feeling silence would make things worse - that and talking with him after such an extended period of worried silence brought him comfort.

“my…” It sounded as though the skeleton was going to say more, but was overcome with confusion. “...no more doctors.”

 _“No more doctors,”_ Grillby assured him kindly, giving his hand a light squeeze, “ _....Only friends.”_ Sans didn’t say anything more to that and eventually fell back asleep. The fire monster sighed softly and resettled next to the couch, the tension easing out of his body as he drew relief from the exchange. Sans had been well enough to wake up, if only briefly. If he had been so close to Falling Down…

Grillby stopped his thoughts there and swallowed hard to calm himself, watching his friend’s febrile breathing.

Another half an hour passed, maybe more when Papyrus came back to sit next to the bartender. He looked as tired as Grillby himself felt and didn’t say much about what had happened.

“HAS HE SAID ANYTHING?” the younger skeleton inquired. He dropped his gaze to his lap, his phalanges wrestling with his sleeves again.

Grillby gave him a reassuring pat on the back. _“...Nothing that makes sense, sadly.”_

Papyrus nodded, more to himself than at what Grillby said, and plucked at his fingers. The fire monster could see the small nicks in his bones, not quite sure if they were always there and he never saw them - simply for the fact this had been the closest he’d ever been to the brother without a countertop to separate them.

“I… understand if you need to leave, Grillby,” he said then, his voice quiet. “You had a long day. All of us have, really! You have no idea how much I appreciate your help… And you have your restaurant to run, too…”

Grillby couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was sure now that Papyrus had been the sole caregiver to Sans throughout their lives, but it looked as though now was when he needed the most help. He gathered the courage inside and pushed away his own fears, then gently shook his head when Papyrus chanced to glance at him and the fire monster even attempted a smile.

 _“....Do not have to do this alone, friend,”_ he interjected quietly, _“The residents of Snowdin can go a day or two without grease. If you will permit me to stay.”_

“I COULDN’T ASK YOU TO DO THAT!” Papyrus almost hissed, trying very hard to keep everything together.

Grillby watched him and noted the body language; the younger brother was tense and his back rigidly straight, to the point that he looked as though he was forcing himself to appear as optimistic as always. What he didn’t realise is that Grillby noticed the trembling with his touch and the little giveaways the brothers had when they were exhausted were all too apparent.

No matter how much they differed, Papyrus was still Sans’ brother. It was clear he couldn’t do this on his own, even with the royal scientist there, too; she looked in need of a good sleep as well.

 _“....Need to take care of yourself as well, Papyrus,”_ the fire monster urged him, speaking quickly, _“....Can ...atch over him… ave to sleep, at some ...int?”_

“I’M SORRY?”

Grillby reigned in his fire a little and spoke slowly so he was more coherent, _“....I will stay while you rest. You need your strength as much as he does.”_

“I CAN’T LET YOU DO THAT! YOU’VE ALREADY DONE SO MUCH!”

 _“I am afraid,”_ Grillby’s fire sputtered and snapped firmly, giving Papyrus a start, _“that I must insist.”_ The younger brother stared at him for a moment, then the tension eased out of his shoulders and he hung his skull in resignation with a slight nod. Good, at least one of them would be rested for now, Grillby thought.

However worried the other two appeared, it was undisputed that they would take shifts watching over Sans as he recovered. Papyrus went upstairs after a great deal of hesitation and coercion while Alphys made a cosy nest of her sweaters for herself near the baseboard heater beside the couch, leaving Grillby with Sans. He would look after him, just as Sans had made sure he was alright, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *repeats "poor Sans" ad infinitum*
> 
> You thought Papyrus hates the item boxes because they're lazy? Welp. You wouldn't be wrong, but there is so much more to it than that. We get an insight to how badly Sans reacts to medical procedures in this chapter. He is (for the most part) extremely delirious and doesn't recognise those around him. He's so scared. He needs all the hugs! ;n;
> 
> This is by far the heaviest bit of h/c in Postcards. It'll... work out. I swear. Updates will continue Mondays/Thursdays until chapter 37 is posted. ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans regains consciousness - and discovers that Grillby knows about his HP. He isn't prepared for the knowledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **content warning(s):** PTSD in regards to medical procedures, rejection sensitivity

His mind was a constant blur of pain and fear. Occasionally he would wake and he couldn’t see, not having the strength to open his eye sockets, nor the capacity to summon the lights of his eyes to take in his surroundings. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to, so fearful for where he was that it crippled him in a constant state of terror.

He was sure he felt the lines of tubes against his bones. He heard the hum of electricity or something like it. Every once in awhile, he’d whimper for the restraints to be loosened, but the voices that responded were muffled and confusing. The warmth that was being pumped into his soul was too hot and he felt the urge to back away against the uncomfortable surface he was laid supine on.

What had he done to deserve this? Why was this being done to him? Multitudes of memories and reasons swam dizzyingly in his skull, not knowing for sure which way was forward or backward, or what the concept of time was.

Another pathetic whimper to be freed and the warmth returned. His soul wanted to find comfort in it, but instead he felt smaller and smaller and he couldn’t help the tears.

It continued on like this. Sans had no indication of where he was or what had happened. All he could do was wait until his strength returned. Unwillingly, his magic was being restored at an alarmingly fast rate and every bone in his body was burning in protest.

Why wasn’t he being allowed to go home?

He tried to voice his concerns, but the bribe of seeing his brother again was never offered. The voices he heard were soft and echoed, so different from before. Then there was a god-awful pain under his ribs and he hissed in agony, trying to twist and wrench himself free of his restraints again.

He wanted to forget that this ever happened. He wanted to be free and to stop hearing the awful beeps of the monitoring system.

They’d done it so many times before, but this time... this time they had said it would be longer lasting.

Just once more, then he could forget. He could be with his brother. He could hug him tightly and apologise for being away for so long. The doctors would never touch him for as long as Sans cooperated.

He felt sick. These ‘sessions’ always made him feel horribly dizzy and ill. He hated it. He hated _him._ Soon Sans couldn’t hate anyone as he slipped back into blissful unawareness and sleep.

He awoke later and with more clarity than before, but he knew he was still hooked up with an assembly that was feeding him some kind of potion. He had the strength when he attempted to move, however feeble it was. A hand was pressed against his sternum, light and soft, not anything he was expecting. The hum of electricity was still around him… but that didn’t seem like the right word for it. Maybe it was something else?

It took too long for him to gather the courage to open his eye sockets or to acknowledge what had happened. The real world mingled with memories and for a cruel moment of soul-shattering disbelief, he thought he saw his father above him, visage obscured by a spray of fire.

Wait... no, his father wasn’t fire. In fact, Sans was pretty certain his father wasn’t _anything_ anymore. Hesitantly, he turned his skull just a little. He found it was getting easier to attempt to open his eye sockets, the weakest of lights summoned so he could at least look around.

What hit Sans was a wash of confusing colour, magentas, blues, reds and golds. Some places were dark, others lighter as he tried to get a clearer view. He grunted softly when he attempted to move his stiff body, the surface he was lying on so uncomfortable that he’d rather fall onto the floor than be stuck there for any longer.

A voice called out to him along with the peculiar sound of humming. He forced himself to look up, not seeing anything but a bright light that made tears collect from the intensity. He turned his skull to the right, shifting slightly to escape the glare.

_“....on’t seek it out……. nly distress yourself.”_

The tone sounded familiar, even the burn of medicine made him feel comfort in that moment. Whoever it was, they were probably right. He didn’t need to see the tubes. The fact they were still attached to him was enough to strain his breathing with barely contained panic.

 _“Easy,”_ the voice said again as Sans tried to shift again.

He was just so damned uncomfortable. The warm pressure on his sternum persisted and he let out a grunt of effort, trying his best to move so his spine didn’t feel so compressed.

“`urts,” he muttered thickly, still trying to look around him with no avail, “spine hurts…”

Relief heavily exuded from each word when the stranger spoke next; _“Once you’re fine to move yourself-”_

“move me… have t.. to get papy…” Sans tried to explain, realising his baby brother must still be with the neighbour at home.

_“Your brother is sleeping.”_

“gotta get `im,” Sans tried again, then wrenched his eye sockets closed briefly, as though the action would clear his vision, “he’s scared.” He was always scared, being left behind with the tall feline monster.

_“We were all worried, Sans.”_

For some reason that plucked at his addled mind. Sans felt a peculiarly painful throb in his heart and he opened his eye sockets, his vision still a messy streak of dizzying colours. For a moment he thought he heard a fireplace, but he shook his skull to clear the ethereal noise. It persisted.

“no more medicine,” he bartered softly. He attempted to move his arms, but only his left obeyed him. It was shaky as it passed down the expanse of his ribs, wanting to tug on the leads attached to his soul to pull them out. Something caught his hand instead, preventing him from moving further. It was warm. “no.. no more tubes… please?” Had he really resorted to begging now?

 _“Do you think you can try to eat?”_ came the careful inquiry instead. Sans thought about it in a moment of bemusement. That was new; normally he wasn’t offered food after the sessions. In fact, he was never usually called by name, either. _“...Or drink? ….Have some tea here.”_

Dumbly, Sans tried nodding. It was an effort, but his skull tilted forward once or twice before he gave up the exhausting movement. “ok.”

After a pause, Sans felt a warmth like none he had ever felt before flood behind his neck and behind his skull. He gasped softly and attempted to move away from it, his right side still not heeding his magic to move. Panic rising up in him again, Sans couldn’t help the increasing breaths and whimpers.

 _“You’re alright,”_ the calming voice murmured to him and Sans forced himself to relax, no matter how tense he felt. He was trembling, shaking so hard he could hear his bones knocking together. _“Easy, Sans, I have you… Try to drink.”_

A mug was offered to his teeth, a waft of steam flushing the bone of his chin and sending a gentle scent through his nasal cavity. Everything seemed like too much, but whomever it was that had decided to help instead of harm, confused him further.

What if it was more medicine?

Sans whimpered at the thought, but his starved magic drew upon the vessel no matter how much he attempted to hold back. A feeling of familiarity passed through him as things clicked into place, recognising the drink as tea, the temperature of heat and also the tiniest hint of _taste._

Sea tea.

It tugged at a memory and Sans relaxed a little more once he finished the drink. The sea tea and heat pulled him closer to reality and out of his bemused state. He opened his eye sockets again; once his eye lights settled on the caregiver, a spark of recognition came over him.

Then immediate, instantaneous dread.

“you-” It left his mouth before he could stop himself. A new drive of panic came over Sans as he shrank back, recognising where he was - and _who_ was there. Regardless of the relief that passed over the other’s face and how their body slackened, Sans could swear he could see it shift into something more. “no… no! you’re not.. you’re not.. not supposed to-”

It was Grillby. _Oh god, it’s Grillby,_ his thoughts screamed. Sans tensed and threw his hand over his face, hiding from the fire monster’s now perplexed flames. Sans knew it without seeing it: Grillby pitied him. He worried. A sinking feeling coupled with a depthless chill gripped his soul.

He didn’t want to be seen like this.

“pap!” he tried to yell, however his voice felt raw and cracked in panic. “papyrus!” Sans thrashed against the bartender, still covering his face. He started to kick his legs with what little strength the tea offered him and Grillby attempted to hold him down.

 _“Sans! You’re alright - you’re safe, everything is fine-”_ Sans interrupted him by giving in to a pathetic heart wrenching sob, still trying to twist away from the fire monster. _“Your brother is sleeping and saf-”_

“i don’t.. i don’t want you to.. to see-” the skeleton sobbed, trying to push himself up against his right side. His body lurched downward suddenly and he couldn’t help the frightened yelp when he felt arms securely around him. “grill.. by… let go. let go, _please,_ please-”

Grillby’s voice sounded distressed, yet soft, _“...You’ll fall off.”_

Sans tensed, figuring the meaning in the other’s tone to mean Fall. Fall Down. Because he knew he was weak, he already changed his mind about him, he-

Oh _god._

_NO!_

He felt the warmth of the other’s magic plead with his soul, a silent inquiry into his mind and state that he couldn’t deny no matter how much he wanted to reject it. Sans both froze and bristled in shock, every part of his body feeling invaded as he was Checked.

 _“Please, Sans,”_ the snap of fire was a form of gentle chastisement and the skeleton flinched, jerking out of his horror. _“Look at me.”_

“i.. i can’t…” His voice sounded so small and frail, Sans hated the sound of it so much. He drew in a few harsh breaths, unable to think clearly. Grillby had just Checked him.

He _knew._

He couldn’t dodge it anymore.

He would be treated differently.

Shunned.

Pitied.

Ignored.

Deserted.

Unloved.

He’d be scared of getting close-

_“Sans-”_

“why..? _why_ would you..?” That was it, Sans thought. There was no way he could stay in Snowdin. It had been a good run, one of the best places they’d lived in. So full of happy, friendly people. No bustle, no worry. No overly prying neighbours. Now it was all gone. They had to move. Behind his hand, tears were collecting again. Betraying him. Making him feel smaller than before.

He didn’t want to…

 _“Why would I..?”_ The worry in the other’s voice physically hurt. _“Please, try to calm yourself… Take deep breaths. No one is going to harm you.”_

Feeling lost but still having a sliver of hope left in him to believe Grillby’s words, Sans paused and inhaled slowly, still hiding his face. He attempted to lift his right arm but couldn’t, something inside of him didn’t want to know the reason why.

He exhaled. The breath was long. Grillby urged him to do so again and Sans repeated the action, breaths shuddering, broken and weary. When he had calmed down enough, the fire monster carefully lifted him so he was sitting upright against the back of the couch. Sans still kept his hand over his face, not wanting to see the other’s no doubt disappointed expression. He was still trembling.

“m’not dyin’,” Sans insisted emphatically, his voice on the edge of tears. If he could save their friendship at least, maybe Grillby wouldn’t ignore him? Maybe he could lie and say… say the Check was wrong. That by some cosmic error, whatever Grillby saw was a mistake. “i’m _not.”_

Instead, Grillby sounded surprised, _“...Of course you aren’t!”_

Somehow, the other agreeing made him feel more shocked but it still felt embittering and unreal. Sans inhaled again, the intake sharp and pained as his magic coiled restlessly and unevenly throughout his body. He wanted to escape, but drawing upon his magic resulted in a harsh sensation that made him dizzy again.

 _“Look at me,”_ the fire monster implored. He had his hands on Sans’ shoulders to keep him upright, searching the skeleton’s reactions. His bones trembled under his hands and Sans was trying very hard not to give in to the shamed sobs that shook him.

One of the fire monster’s hands went to his forearm, a gentle tug insisting for it to be pulled away, but Grillby didn’t force him. Sans hung his skull, pressing his phalanges against his face to hide more.

“i can’t-” the skeleton couldn’t help the sob that broke through at the end. “i can’t - i just _can’t…”_

He felt another gentle touch upon his soul and he flinched, every part of Sans was drawn up tightly with persistent agitation. He resisted the urge to lash out at Grillby to push him away alongside the anger and terror that suddenly swelled inside with the invasion.

_“s-stop checking!”_

Three points. Not one. Not nine either, where it had been before he ignited the box. Sans doubled over and shuddered when Grillby took his hand in both of his own, unable to meet his gaze.

 _“Sans…”_ the tone was disappointed and soft, flames crackling in immediate comfort. Grillby’s voice was soothing but Sans felt what _had_ to be pity behind every word. _“Look at me. Please.”_

Sans’ breaths quickened and Grillby got up to sit next to him on the couch, staying close. The skeleton shuddered, feeling his heat so nearby that he tried to escape again through a shortcut. His magic fizzled pathetically and he shook his skull in disbelief.

“i don’t.. i don’t want to see it-”

Grillby drew up closer so he was right in view when or if Sans would open his sockets. Carefully, he slipped one of his hands to cup the other’s face, pushing away the tears.

_“...What don’t you want to see?”_

Sans attempted to breathe deeply, but it caught several times. Soon, every breath was laborious and quickened as panic gripped him again. He was trying - but _Grillby had Checked him._ Sans tried again, unable to calm himself until Grillby spoke next.

_“Please, look at me.”_

“y-you _checked-”_ the skeleton accused again indignantly, his body shaking in distress, “you’re not sup… supposed to-”

 _“Alphys instructed me to,”_ the fire monster explained carefully, still rubbing a gentle warmth into the side of Sans’ face. _“...To ensure you recovered as expected.”_

Sans swore softly, inching his face away from the soothing motions of the other’s hand. He tried to argue more, feeling so vulnerable now that his most hated secret was out. And Alphys… he didn’t know what to think about her just then.

“where. where is she..? an’ papyrus?”

 _“Alphys had to return to retrieve some supplies. Papyrus is resting in his room.”_ There was a pause, then he added quietly, _“...Will you not look at me?”_

Sans shook his head, then attempted to pull his hand away from Grillby’s. It hurt to know that he knew, but why was he pretending that it didn’t matter? Of _course_ it mattered, but… a small deranged hope inside of him prayed that it wouldn’t.

 _“...Will you not tell me the reason, then?”_

Goddamn his comforting voice, he thought. Sans inhaled deeply, breath shuddering. Then he tried again. As he calmed himself, Sans felt the tension ease from the other's body. He supposed… if he was going to be let go of, he could at least tell Grillby why.

The thought made it hurt even more. He ducked his skull away from the other’s hand with a soft keening noise, unable to help himself as pain gripped at his heart and soul.

“i don’t want to see it,” Sans said quietly, but every word was clear. No drawl, no slur of his words. “i.. don’t want to see pity. not from you.”

There was silence and Sans froze, unable to stop himself. Grillby continued to caress his face, the soft gesture more soothing than Sans felt he deserved.

“m’not dying,” Sans repeated, voice breaking.

_“I know.”_

“m’not falling.”

 _“Of course you aren’t, Sans,”_ Grillby repeated back emphatically. _“No one thinks you are!”_

“oh god-”

 _“You fainted. That’s all. You expended a lot of magic, but you’re recovering well,”_ the fire monster added.

“you _checked_ me-”

 _“...ad to!”_ It came out sharper than the fire monster wanted to and he felt guilty when Sans flinched. _“...You were blocking Alphys.”_

“fine.” There was a bitter note to Sans’ reply alongside a weak flare of anger.

 _“...and your brother,”_ there was a concerned note to Grillby’s tone and Sans shrank against the back of the couch. _“...You were out of it.”_

“blocked pap out? what..?” Sans never recalled doing that. Hesitantly, he opened his left socket, the pitch behind it unsettling the fire monster before he saw the haze of magic bring the other’s eye light back into existence.

From spending so much time in the darkness of his own mind, Sans squinted a little at Grillby’s ambient glow. He couldn’t make out his expression, but he didn’t want to see it either, afraid of what was hiding there.

_“Alphys travelled from Hotland to help.”_

“...she did?”

_“Of course, Sans. Your brother didn’t know what to do. Please don’t be cross with him.”_

“i’m…” Admittedly, it took a bit longer for Sans to process it all. His gaze was downcast, avoiding Grillby’s visage, but at least now both his eye sockets were open.

_“...Were not absorbing the food he offered you either. I suppose that is… perhaps why he thought my cooking would help you.”_

Sans stayed quiet, his mind tumbling over several things at once.

 _“Don’t be cross with him,”_ Grillby repeated, much quieter now that Sans had calmed down a little. _“.....Convinced him to allow me to stay.”_

“m’not mad.”

Grillby stroked the side of the other’s face again, this time the skeleton leaned in to the touch. It was something, at least. _“How do you feel?”_ he chanced at asking.

Sans inhaled a calming breath, his panic now subsiding enough for him to think a little more clearly. “burnt out,” he muttered. Then he decided to be a little more truthful, “...a little scared.”

_“...Think we all were.”_

“about what you think, i mean,” Sans elaborated, then went tense again. “i.. i don’t want you to think.. less of me-”

A flare of fire caught his attention and he automatically looked up, surprised at the reaction. He saw it - the twinge of shock amongst the flames coupled with… confusion?

No.

That couldn’t be right.

 _“...The hell would I think LESS of you?”_ the fire monster’s voice snapped. Sans shrunk back more, not wanting to hear any of it as his eye lights faded in his sockets. _“I don’t understand!”_

Sans remained quiet, clenching his teeth together. He wanted to hide so badly, but his magic wasn’t heeding him. He tried for a shortcut once more but winced with the effort. Everything was painfully raw and he felt another dizzy spell.

 _“Stop trying to use magic,”_ the other pleaded, his kinder voice returning, _“...you’re on suppressants. It will not work.”_

The skeleton swore softly, trying to move his hand out of Grillby’s so he could yank on the tubes coming out of the bottom of his shirt. The thrum of the fire monster’s flames built up in agitation and he sighed, giving up the movement.

_“Tell me why. Why would you think something like that..?”_

Sans faltered, opening his mouth once before closing it. Then he tried again, “my…” He stopped yet again, a shudder passing through his frame as Grillby’s hand moved against his skull in a soothing manner. His voice was a lot smaller with the next attempt, “...my hp.”

Where the other didn’t say anything, his fire kindled a little brighter than usual. The snapping embers came off of him as he considered what to say to have its full effect. Of course, he had been worried when he first found out, however… It had been awhile since then.

He understood everything now. The shadowed way Sans evaded his health when they were at New Home. The barely restrained panic and extreme silence that startled him. The way that Sans pushed himself, as though nothing was wrong with him at all. Having a fear that people would think less of him for having such dangerously low health was ever-present, a sickening, lurching dread that one day things would be out in the open.

Grillby speculated it was likely due to the fact it must’ve happened before. New Home, as ironically as it was named, was not without its flaws and did, unfortunately, have a way with secluding Fallen monsters from view. It was not a home. It was not accommodating. If it had anything to do with why the skeleton brothers moved out to the furthest outreaches of the Underground, Grillby thought that was the reason.

The silence appeared too much for Sans. He had started to twist away from him and grabbed at his hand in order to push. He was still so terribly weak that it took little effort for Grillby to hold his ground.

 _“Sans,”_ he murmured, drawing close. He would have to apologise to the doctor if her equipment was damaged - at least the bag on the pole that had been feeding into Sans’ soul for the past evening was now empty. _“...It does not define you. You are so much more than a number on a counter. Don’t let it consume you.”_

Sans had heard it so many times from Papyrus. ‘Don’t let it define you’. Without the intent to harm, monsters couldn’t hurt him but the pervasive thought of ‘what if’ always haunted him. For the most part, his brother had been correct. It was a matter of acceptance and peace with himself that as long as it wasn’t known, Sans could live with his horrible self-loathing and poor health. It was the reason that he told Papyrus he was lazy, and that ‘tired’ eventually became to mean that between them instead.

Not being defined by the singularity of his life felt as though he’d been hiding unnecessarily. But Grillby was right with his words, ‘don’t let it consume’. That’s precisely what his fear had done to him. He wanted more. He wanted to believe him. That’s why when he heard Grillby say it Sans could only shake his head, unable to say anything at all in disbelief.

 _“It’s true,”_ the other continued, finally letting go of Sans’ hand. Grillby’s other hand cupped the other side of Sans’ face, flooding him with a gentle heat and the skeleton couldn’t help the shuddering gasp. _“...You mean so much to me.”_

Sans could only nod slightly, unable to speak. A whirlwind of emotions came over him, threatening to make him tremble more. He was so scared, so ashamed that the other knew. But Grillby was being careful to say just the right things, filling him with the desire to just let himself believe them.

“ok.” It was his default response. It was so hushed it could barely be heard over the ambient sound of flames. He drew in another shuddering breath and settled his left hand on the other’s forearm. Sans hadn’t anticipated the warmth that flooded the bone of his forehead, nor the bursting comfort that kindled in him at the gesture.

It relaxed him, if only barely. But in its bareness it felt too much like something overpowering him and Sans gripped at the other’s sleeve that much harder.

“thank you-” he muttered, his voice sounding strained. He inhaled sharply with another kiss to his brow, unable to keep himself from trembling any longer, _“thank you...”_

Eventually the silence fell over them again, but it was less tense than Grillby felt previously. He had seated himself next to Sans on the couch and pulled him into his lap to hold him, willing his fire to behave itself and keep away from the delicate equipment. Exhausted, Sans allowed him to do it as he straddled his lap, his chest and skull flush with Grillby’s body.

The fire monster had taken to rubbing his back, slowly and soothingly, until Sans found himself falling asleep. Occasionally the fire monster felt a subtle tremor go through the other’s form and he would stroke down the middle of his spine, pressing gentle heat into his bones as though to say ‘don’t worry, I’m here’.

Sans had displayed more distress and emotion than Grillby had ever seen from him before. Alphys had warned him of a few things, mainly that the sight of the medical equipment would make him panic. But nothing had prepared the fire monster for the tumultuous distress and sadness of a tortured soul.

Worn out from staying up all day and now night and landlocked with his own and now Sans’ emotions, the bartender was exhausted. Grillby would soon join him in slumber, holding the skeleton against his body to ensure Sans felt as comforted as he possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raw freakin' emotions here. Coupled with Sans' PSTD concerning medical stuff AND finding out that Grillby knows about his HP (and Checked him, omg), he's... not in the best place, mentally. :( But... at least there is reassurance. And kissies. And hugs. Sans needs so many hugs!
> 
> Thank you to all you readers who take time to write such sweet comments lately. I really enjoy reading them and seeing what people's thoughts are on each chapter. I know I upload frequently and I kind of worry it's too frequent but I get excited and, and..... orz;;;;;; I wanted to say, thank you anyway!!!  
> ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphys returns with some more supplies. Papyrus gets a hug. Sans apologises.

It was some time before Alphys returned with more supplies. She entered the house as quickly as she could, delicate scanner in hand alongside a bursting inventory thanks to the prototype item box in her phone. She immediately sighed in relief when the rush of warmth hit her inside the skeleton brothers’ house. If anything, the fire monster’s gentle soul really helped in more ways than one.

When she approached, she settled her phone on the coffee table, taking a moment to look over the two monsters nestled on the couch. It looked like at some point Sans had regained consciousness, and Grillby had tired out so much that he had fallen asleep.

The little doctor hated to disturb either of them, but she had to get more medicine administered. Gently and quickly, she tapped the fire monster’s hand, feeling the waft of heat through his glove. No wonder Sans looked so comfortable - Grillby was a living space heater!

It was also a very good thing that the fire monster was a lighter sleeper than Sans. One of his bright eyes cracked open and his flames plumed briefly as he woke up. Alphys immediately felt guilty for doing so, but she raised a claw to her mouth with a soft shushing sound. Then she pointed at Sans, then the medical pole, and started to pull out more supplies.

More aethers, coils of tubes and a new device she had tried sending photos of to Sans, but he never ended up receiving them. She sighed softly once she was heated up a little more and pulled off three sweaters so she could move a little easier. Grillby remained quiet and watchful as she inspected the leads and even helped to move the skeleton so she could adjust the lines going under Sans’ shirt so they wouldn’t get caught.

“He, um… he seems to have stabilised,” she said softly, her claws attaching a brighter cyan aether to the pole, then removing the empty bags and putting them away. “Has he.. eaten anything?”

Grillby told her about the tea, his voice a soft rasp of fire and sounding exhausted. She attempted to do a Check on Sans but was blocked again. It hadn’t been the first time, but it had been so many years since Sans had rejected her requests to do so that she felt a little lost.

She tried not to let it get to her. Sans, Papyrus and now Grillby were depending on her to work her magic. If anything, she was a brilliant scientist when it came to the workings of souls, although up until Sans’ recovery after his accident, she had been fairly... inept. At times, she still felt that way. A lot of it just appeared to be dumb luck.

Once the tube leading from Sans’ soul to the fresh bag was secured, she notched the dial so the aether fluid trickled down. The skeleton twitched in his sleep but otherwise didn’t wake. She was grateful he was such a deep sleeper. And she couldn’t help but find the two just simply adorable, however sad it was at the same time.

That would be a thought to entertain for another time, she mentally chastised herself. She had more questions for Grillby.

“Has he, um, talked at all?” Alphys made sure to keep her voice down, just in case. Grillby looked down to the skeleton resting against his body, his hand idly rubbing at his back. He seemed a little stressed, if her guess was correct. Monsters comprised of the elements were difficult to decipher sometimes. At least she understood his accent, having lived in Hotland for most of her life.

 _“...Did, a little. He was.. very frightened,”_ the fire monster revealed, pulling the skeleton a little closer to his body. Alphys was just able to stop the soft ‘aww’ that almost passed her lips. _“He is. It took some time.. to ensure him I did not think ill of his.. condition. I do not believe he is entirely convinced.”_

Alphys nodded a little sadly in understanding.

Grillby stayed quiet for a moment as he watched her attach another bag to a hook and link it to the first. Then he continued hesitantly, _“...I’ve been aware of it for some time.”_

“O-oh,” the little doctor said, surprised, “I was, um… I was wondering why… I mean- why you didn’t.. didn’t seem too shocked?”

_“...Don’t believe I can.. call it ‘shock’. For awhile, I was concerned. But then soon came to realise that was unfair.. to him. When he has been this way... Papyrus said he was ‘weird’, that way. As though to say, ‘always’. I thought it a ruse. However... it would be disingenuous of me to view him any differently than I had before. And Sans... he would feel that I would be treating him as such. Our relationship… our friendship would have become strained. Hence why I kept it.. secret.”_

“Y-you certainly have, um... have put a lot of thought behind your reasoning!” Alphys said, amazed at the heartfelt notion - and the fact it was the most she’d heard the fire monster speak. “I’m, I’m sure Sans would appreciate that. Besides his brother, myself and.. and some people at the university in New Home, no one else knows.”

Grillby nodded gently, then ran his hand over Sans’ spine when he felt him shudder against his body. The skeleton’s hand inched around his waist in his sleep and grabbed a fistful of the other’s shirt with a soft whimper.

 _“...Mentioned wanting to go home,”_ the fire monster added quietly, _“A lot of things he said sounded.. confused. Frightened.. of leaving his brother behind.”_

Alphys remained quiet, all too aware of what Sans had likely said in his delirious state. She had heard it often enough, remembering the trauma and the panic when Sans woke after being injected with Determination to stop him from Falling. It afforded her an insight into the medical abuse the poor monster had suffered through in his childhood and burgeoning stripe years. She only knew bits and pieces. Sans never wanted to talk about it.

“I, um.. don’t know anything about that,” she admitted with a soft sigh as she tapped her claws together with the little lie. “I’m.. I’m going to check up on Papyrus. Can you... I mean, are you able to, um..?”

_“I’ll stay with him. Go ahead.”_

Alphys turned back at the top of the stairs, just in time to see the fire monster lean down and drop a light kiss on the top of Sans’ skull. She knew the signs of exhaustion all too well. Grillby shouldn’t have stayed, but it wasn’t her place to tell him to leave. He looked stressed, his fire leaping in small chaotic arcs, just barely contained to keep away from the medical equipment.

She turned and lightly knocked on Papyrus’ door, ignoring all the usual caution tape and signage to keep out. When she didn’t hear anything, she slowly opened the door to the dark room.

“Pa.. Papyrus?”

The younger sibling wasn’t sleeping, but was sitting on his bed, hugging a pillow over his chest tightly. All the lights were off and Alphys could hear the undeniable sound of bones rattling. It was a denser sound than what she was used to with Sans. After all, Papyrus’ bone density was thicker than his brother’s.

“How is he?” The other’s tone was so quiet, Alphys’ heart sank at the despondency.

“He’s.. He’s ok!” she assured him, making her way into the room to approach him. He didn’t turn, but the tension in his shoulders eased somewhat in relief. “Sans has stabilised. He’ll be just fine, o-ok? We.. We just have to wait a bit more. He’s on the second round of aethers and the suppressants are working, so he’ll recover in no time!”

Silently, the skeleton nodded his skull, but the arms around the pillow grew visibly tighter.

“Are.. A-are you ok, Papyrus?”

“I.. am alright. Just-” He stopped, a shaky breath escaping him. “...Just never thought I’d hear him cry like that again.”

Hesitantly, Alphys laid her hand on the other’s back and Papyrus lowered his skull to bury his face into the pillow. These poor boys had been through so much in their lives and their past would never stop haunting them. She hoped the gesture would comfort Papyrus, but then she was caught off guard when the skeleton suddenly turned and grabbed her in a tight hug.

Surprised, she stood stock still, then eased into it and brought her arms up to rub the other’s back. Poor Papyrus, she lamented internally.

After awhile, she had told him to actually sleep - to turn off his thoughts and go to bed. She felt guilty for mentioning Sans would be upset with him for neglecting to take care of himself, but ultimately it was the only thing that worked with the younger brother.

Eventually, Papyrus let her out of the hug and rubbed over his orbits, concealing what had to be tears. Then he silently laid down and curled inward away from her, wrapping his arms around himself in a gesture of self-comfort.

When Alphys went downstairs again, Sans was awake, but Grillby had fallen asleep again. She saw the lights of the skeleton’s eyes flick to her direction and she offered him something of a nervous smile as she approached with a hesitant wave.

“H-hey, Sans…”

Sans’ glance turned downcast, not willing to move from Grillby’s embrace, or even move at all.

“How are you, um.. feeling?”

Sans looked back up at her, still quiet. Something in his gaze was hurt, aimed directly at her. Alphys felt it and was anxious as a result.

“Oh..! O-ok, fair enough!” She sidestepped the glare, moving out of his line of vision to check on the equipment again. “You’re.. um, still blocking me.”

He didn’t reply. Alphys grew a little more anxious, knowing he was likely upset with her. Of course he was - surgery when she knew he would hate her for it.. And with his boyfriend there, to see him in such a sorry state… she felt worse.

“you told him to check me.”

There it was. The accusing, devastated tone. Alphys’s jaw tensed as her claws moved over the lines and adjusted the flow rate with another knob, flinching at the soft gasp the sudden flood into Sans’ soul brought on as a result.

“he knows, alphys.”

“I.. I know,” she muttered apologetically, unable to face him. Alphys heard his breath shudder a little and a slight shift of fabric moving. When she had the courage to turn her head, Sans had leaned back from Grillby’s hold to keep himself upright, visibly shaking.

His sockets were open but his eye lights were gone, making his expression cold and unsettling.

Nervously, Alphys tried to Check him again, only to have no information brought back. “You’re, um… you’re still b-blocking me?”

Sans didn’t entertain her with a reply, still staring at Alphys. It took everything in him not to lash out, feeling both betrayed by her and disgusted with himself. He was blocking subconsciously and didn’t know how to let go to allow her to, even if he did want her to check.

The thing was, he _knew_ she had to make sure he was alright. She was doing her best, which made him feel all the worse for it. Sans was doing his best to remain calm as not to rouse the fire monster. Guilt flooded into him when he saw how disoriented the flames were and how exhausted Grillby looked.

“I… It’s ok! I-I-I b-brought a.. a scanner,” Alphys tittered softly, almost as if to herself. Sans watched from empty sockets, still trembling from the effort of keeping himself upright with only one arm to steady him. It hurt that she was ignoring his concerns, when it had been her fault.

God, Grillby knew. He couldn’t believe it. His heart sank as Alphys carefully manoeuvred him away from the sleeping fire monster to his side. The cushions were stacked against the right side of his rib cage to make sure he stayed upright, then Alphys turned and laid a blanket over his lap to hide the tubes coming out from his shirt. He hadn’t even noticed them, staring at her in disbelief.

Then she brought out the scanner, making him flinch. It looked older now, but it was the same scanner used on him after his fall into the CORE. Sans couldn’t help the way he shrank back, gripping a fistful of the blanket as he attempted to draw in his reserves to escape.

It sputtered out and it only made him feel ill, the dizzy spell enough to make him almost gag.

Alphys recognised the action with the brief flicker under his shirt and immediately flew in front of him, gesturing quickly for him to stop.

“Wha-! D-don’t do that, Sans,” she pleaded quickly, her voice a soft hiss, “He.. Here, why don’t I, um... I show you. I promise you, it.. it won’t hurt. R-remember?”

He bowed his skull a little more when she held out the scanner, his body a mix of being tense and shaking in fear. She lined it up in front of him, the device looking something like a grey camera mixed with a tiny flat screen television. She flicked a few switches on the front of it. The screen popped to life with a green and yellow glow, something she was dissatisfied with, but it worked just the same.

The image on the screen was pixelated, a small representation of Sans’ soul along with an information list of his extended stats. Carefully, she moved around to sit next to Sans, her claws gripping the scanner tightly.

“don’t wanna see it,” Sans murmured, sounding numb.

Alphys felt the sting of the other’s mood and shrunk down a little, knowing she had to continue. “O-ok, but I know y-you’ll feel better, um… um, kn-knowing what happened, exactly.”

“i don’t want to.”

“Sans…” The little doctor pressed a claw to her face and shook her head, then adjusted her glasses to scroll down the screen. As much as Sans didn’t want to deal with her at that moment, Alphys knew he would come around. He had before. If she left, he would become despondent and dissociative. Interaction was key here.

It took her a moment to scroll through the information to assess what had happened. Sans’ magical levels were pitifully low, his stamina had taken a hit, and something looked to have left a _burn_ on him. Not from the fire monster, that was certain. The CORE-ion suppressants were doing their job preventing Sans from using his shortcuts, but they were a temporary measure at best.

> **[** **SANS (120.8Y)_______________________** **3/1 STA/HP**
> 
> **MGK________[64%]** **1 ATK**
> 
> **Ca_________[22%]** **1 DPF**
> 
> **C__________[4%]** **1 DEF**
> 
> **Pb_________[.385%]** **0 EXP**
> 
> **K__________[.9%]** **1** **LV**
> 
> **Na_________[4.115%]** **1 INV**
> 
> **Fe_________[4.6%]** **1 SPD**
> 
> **__________________________________________________________**
> 
> **CONDITION: STABLE** **HEALTH: [ !! CRITICAL !! ]**
> 
> **HUNGER: YES** **DT LV: YEL-1OY34EX^349ppu***
> 
> **CLASS: STANDARD** **MAT. RATE: 74.39%/C^r34**
> 
> **MGK. STATE: [ 0/0 ]** **PHYS. RATE: 34.26%/Ap^r26.4**
> 
> **84501-7bHY*^.3495GHU.9// (MAKTF/^43858.35)**
> 
> **8515-3bCQ^267.4682// (MAKDS/^419.888856)**
> 
> **000000000.01%^920(BASE)// (1/1*pMMPn) [!!] cD: MGK WARNING**
> 
> **//CLEAR**
> 
> **FALLSTATE: YES //OVERRIDE: NONCRITICAL e://DISMISS WARNING ]**

Alphys read over the numbers and extended statistics while Sans stared at the screen in silence. Apart from the statuses pinging off that his magic had been inhibited and his health resting at 3 marked it as dangerously low, Alphys saw nothing else wrong with Sans. It just appeared that he merited some extended rest. Nothing about the strange burn on his soul was hidden in the lines of code.

“i don’t want to see this, alph,” Sans finally said after a long moment of silence.

“It’s.. It’s actually ok! L-look, it even shows your growth rate, a-and, uh, class aspect and age - oh, b-but, ignore the.. the, uh...”

“please,” the skeleton’s voice was so small, the doctor felt another pang of guilt.

“You, um... Y-you need to eat something,” she finished, turning the screen towards herself. Sans visibly relaxed, no longer able to see his pitiful stats, thus could put them out of his mind. Dejectedly, he simply nodded. “Any… anything you want in particular?”

He only answered with a vague, half-hearted shrug. Apathy, she knew it well. She knew how to handle Sans when he was like this, at least. Alphys left the scanner by her binders on the coffee table and quickly left for the kitchen to get something.

She was relieved to find most of the snacks she had sent along with Papyrus when he came through the previous week. The fridge only contained spaghetti and after opening a container, it seemed like some kind of volatile substance instead of something edible. Alphys quickly put the container away and brought out an armload of snacks, only to find Sans had slumped against Grillby, staring at the scanner on the table.

“alphys,” he muttered quietly, “can you take off his glasses?” His paranoia had set in about the fire monster seeing the scanner and he wanted to make sure that Grillby didn’t know too much.

He watched as she dumped a few ready-to-eat packages of food onto the table and approached the fire monster, looking even more nervous. Sans turned just a little to watch at the way her claw would slowly approach the sleeping monster’s visage before drawing back sharply a couple of times. He wondered what it felt like to be burned.

She appeared to have success. Carefully, Alphys folded the glasses and set them to the side and went about unwrapping a few snacks for Sans to eat.

After he had and the scanner said ‘could eat’ instead of ‘yes’ for hunger, Alphys took to fiddling with the bags on the medical pole. Sans continued to shiver once he realised what she was doing - hooking up more aether fluids.

He hated this but he had to deal with it. He didn’t want to but he had no choice.

“where.. where’s pap?”

“T-told him to.. sleep. He looked shaken up.”

“poor guy.”

“Do you… do you remember what happened when you lit the box?”

Sans inhaled deeply, the sensation of the world tilting around him as he felt something different get introduced into his body from the lead. “not really. thought i ha.. had everything figured to a ‘t’.” He welcomed the change in subject. It was something to keep his mind off of the infusions in the meantime. “to, uh, be honest? this didn’t happen last time.”

“I know! Th-that’s why I was... I was shocked!”

“must’ve messed up my notes somethin’ awful... y’know i got that cipher-” Sans stopped and pressed his hand against his sternum with a sickened grunt, the dizzy feeling strengthening. _“-god,_ this sucks…”

“I know, Sans. Please be patient. This is the last r-round, and then I’ll disconnect everything. The, um, cipher?”

Sans squeezed his eye sockets closed briefly with another shudder, “um.. yeah. so i got a key worked out. after that, it was just a matter of.. of direct trans.. literation.” His breaths had picked up and he shook his skull, unable to keep his mind focused on the current conversation. The shift in vertigo was making him anxious again. “this... alph, alphys, this one.. feels worse.”

“H-hang in there, Sans. The flow has to… has to stay constant, otherwise, it’ll just take longer!”

The skeleton nodded hesitantly, feeling beads of sweat trickle down his skull. “...what is..?”

“Magi-alkaline dehydranoxoline.”

“....oxoline..?”

“It’s going to actually help y-you manage your reserves! M-more efficiently!”

Sans grimaced, feeling extremely ill. “ok... it’s still.. makin’ me feel like utter shit, though. can i lie.. down yet?”

“O-oh! Sure! Yes, no p-problem!” Alphys turned to arrange the cushions in a more comfortable spot and ease him back down onto the couch.

“i meant on the floor.”

“Sans...”

“already feel like garbage,” he muttered thickly, raising his arm to wipe at his face. “where’s m.. my goddamn arm?”

“It’s safe! After the corticosteroid flux is done too, it should reattach. Papyrus let me know, um... that happens…….. frequently??”

“blab,” Sans grunted sourly and draped his arm over his eye sockets. “...one more.”

“S-sure?”

“when he gets.. _ngh..._ when grillbz wakes up,” the skeleton continued, trying to shake away the dizziness, “tell him.. thanks.”

“Oh! S-sure, ok... I can, I can definitely do that!”

“an’ m’sorry.”

“No way!”

“fine. then get `im to… to go home.”

Alphys shook her head, “No way, he wants to stay!”

“stop rhyhmin’, girl... y’soun.. sound ridic.. ulous.”

Grateful for the shift in the skeleton’s mood, Alphys finally allowed herself to smile, as uneasy as it was. Then she pulled the blanket over Sans and adjusted his legs at a less awkward angle. Then she leaned down, “O-ok… but I’m sure your _boyfriend_ won’t be convinced to leave you.”

Sans had to grunt at that and half-heartedly swatted at her face. His hand ended up connecting with her shoulder instead and he automatically grabbed at the knitted fabric of her pink sweater.

“he’s a stubborn.. ol’ flame,” he mumbled thickly, “m’worried.”

Alphys gently patted his skull and pulled the blanket up higher. “I… I really don’t think you have to worry about him, Sans. Now, try to rest… longer than a coup.. couple hours, ok?”

Sans exhaled softly as she gently detached his bony fingers from her sweater and gave his hand a reassuring pat. “ok.”

“When your brother wakes up, I’ll let you know, ok?”

“ok.”

“And I’ll see about.. about checking your workshop. To see what happened. Is that ok?”

“sure,” the skeleton replied sleepily, his eye sockets already closed, “key’s in.. my room. in dresser.” When she rested his arm down, he shuddered again. “one more-”

“Y-yes, Sans?”

“m’sorry. for makin’ you.. feel shitty.”

The rest of the early morning dragged on. Once Sans’ treatments were over, Alphys was able to reattach his right arm without disturbing him, but less so when she had to remove the applicator from his soul. He shifted with the movement and whimpered in his sleep, but otherwise settled peacefully.

After putting things back into the cell box, Alphys crept up the stairs to Sans’ room, exhausted from all the running around. Naturally, the door handle was stuck, but she was able to get it open with a few simple tools from her pocket.

She covered her mouth with both of her hands when she saw the sight. Wallpaper torn, socks and papers everywhere, everything looked like more of a mess than she knew Sans normally had the energy for. She figured Papyrus had given up on cleaning it at some point, but the smell was unimaginable yet familiar.

She suddenly understood what the burn was. CORE magic, and a lot of it. Alphys chewed on her claws as she beelined for the dresser, quickly found the silver key inside and retreated again. Being in Sans’ room was unsettling at best, but nothing filled her with the unfathomable malaise before as it did then.

The workshop behind the house was what she was expecting from Sans after she unlocked it with the key. Papers were strewn about in seemingly disorganised piles, snack wrappers that had to be decades old and a desk covered in binders, notebooks and half-used pens.

Here too, smelled of CORE magic. It reeked like burning chemicals and was acrid, clinging to her nostrils wherever she went. Some strange marks were on the walls leading to the door and she touched them to see if they grooved the plaster, but no, they hadn’t. So what happened? It looked almost like a lime-green smudge.

Alphys took her time in looking around and through the notebooks left on the desktop. Adjusting her glasses, she fitted the key into the first drawer and found a few more dozen pens and pencils, a whoopie cushion and a coffee stained notepad.

Inside were the notes she was anxious to see; diagrams and formulas as well as a cute little message for a date written in Hands. Well, _that_ was easy to find.

The formulas were all correct, except for one thing, and it seemed changed as an afterthought. Chewing on her claw again, her eyes settled on one of the more important places, something not quite making sense.

Why would he have a formula for a large box instead of the usual size? Usually the boxes were a cubic foot in volume. The one in the living room, freshly ignited, was larger. Not that anyone could see at a glance, but the specifics were so slight that the formula _shouldn’t_ have worked.

It would explain the rebound on Sans, but she’d never known him to be sloppy with math? Did something happen? Alphys quickly snapped the notebook closed and scurried out of the workshop so she could think a little more clearly. The scent of the CORE was too overpowering and it was starting to give her a migraine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI there is a pretty heckin' neat chart in this chapter that looks ok in landscape mode on mobile or best in browser. :D  
> If you can decipher some of the nerdspeak in it, you get a Stale Cookie! (recovers 9 HP, but you feel sluggish)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grillby goes home, leaving Sans with his thoughts. They devolve to the point where he locks himself in his room. Papyrus brings Grillby back. Sometimes the only way to convey your feelings is by kissing them away. Sans comes to a life-changing realisation.

“SANS DID _WHAT!?!”_

That was enough to wake the older brother from his nap. Groggy and sore from temple to talus, Sans opened his eye sockets with a soft groan of protest. Somehow, he’d shifted onto his chest and his left arm was cramped underneath him on the couch. Every part of him was aching, especially his spine.

The first thing that Sans noticed was that Grillby was not on the couch. In fact, he was sure he didn’t hear his ambient hum of fire anywhere, unless he was outside. Or maybe he had just left. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but with the fire monster gone, Sans couldn’t help but feel burned, as bad a joke as that was. His mind was in various states of self-depreciation. Maybe he hoped that Grillby hadn’t left, but at the same time… his mind was twisting things again.

The past day or two had been a blur. Looking around, there was evidence to the truth; Alphys’ cell phone and binders, paperwork everywhere alongside a multitude of snack wrappers and awkwardly placed cushions. Amongst the mess was his missing cell phone, which he left on the coffee table. There wasn’t any need for it just then.

The first thing Sans did was check the bottom of his shirt before looking beside him. No tubes. Every part of him relaxed and he flopped back onto the couch with a pained sigh. He was sure he’d never felt so starved before, but at least he had energy enough to lift himself off the couch.

His legs were unsteady but he could stand. Sans’ right shoulder ached and every movement sent a throb up his spine. His pace was unsteady, but he knew he had to eat something. He vaguely remembered being at 3 points, but was now at 2. It really must’ve been awhile since he was out, he figured.

Rubbing at his face, Sans stumbled into the kitchen and caught himself on the door frame to keep himself from losing balance. What he recognised as Alphys’ lengthy diatribe about something math-related stopped abruptly with a gasp and suddenly there was a pair of strong bony arms encircling him.

“hey, paps,” he muttered, his voice sounding strained with exhaustion.

“SANS! YOU SHOULDN’T BE UP! YOU HAVEN’T REGAINED ALL YOUR STRENGTH YET!” Papyrus’ voice was a touch higher with worry and Sans could feel his embrace tighten.

“i know. m’sorry, i’m just.. really hungry.” Regardless, Sans couldn’t help the way the journey from the couch to the kitchen made him shake with effort and he almost sighed in relief when Papyrus brought him over to the kitchen table to sit down.

“We were.. we were just discussing your formulae for the dimensional box,” Alphys said, taking a seat beside him.

Sans grunted softly in disinterest and leaned over the table, giving her a sidelong glance. He was still upset with her, but would try to bury it for the moment.

“A-actually, here, let me, um-” She quickly got up and ran to the living room and came back seconds later with a familiar notebook. “Here, you check it?”

Sans really wasn’t in the mood to have his formulae criticised and grew more irritable when he glanced at it quickly. His mind still felt hazy from all the infusions and part of him still felt disconnected from the world, so he just pushed the notebook off the side of the table.

“SANS!”

“Sans, please - it’s.. it’s important!”

“y’know, i just wanna have somethin’ to eat and just.. go back to bed,” Sans muttered under his breath. “m’not up for thinkin’ right now, guys.”

The two of them stayed quiet and stole a glance between them while Sans buried his skull in his arms. Alphys felt the sting of guilt, while Papyrus continued to worry for his older brother.

“OF COURSE… YOU DO NEED YOUR REST. MISTER GRILLBY BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING EARLIER BEFORE HE LEFT,” Papyrus offered, going to the microwave to heat up the fries. He saw the flinch at the fire monster’s name and came back to Sans while the food was heating up. “HE SAYS THAT HE WISHES YOU A SOUND RECOVERY!”

The way it was phrased hurt Sans more. There was a finality to it, as though Grillby didn’t expect to see him again.

It stung, filling Sans with discomfort, even when the fire monster had told him that he meant so much to him. He was too tired to think, emotionally and physically exhausted from the previous night. Not to mention the past few days were a massive blur.

“...thanks, bro,” he finally said once the fries were set in front of him. Even though he knew he was hungry, Sans forced himself to eat despite the loss of appetite. “alph.. you’ve done a lot. you should probably go.”

“SANS-” Papyrus objected, but knew how Sans was feeling. No doubt he would need time to recover from the many things that had happened. But at the same time, he felt like making the lizard monster go home was premature. “SENDING HER AWAY IS UNHELPFUL.”

“i really don’t wanna talk about this right now.”

“It.. It’s fine, Papyrus. I’ll just head over to the... the inn.” Alphys had collected the notebook from the floor and was watching Sans, who had made a point not to face her as he ate. Papyrus gave her an apologetic look, but she waved it away. She knew he would go straight to consoling his brother once she left, and that would be for the best. Sans shouldn’t be left alone with his thoughts, after all.

Papyrus had briefly left the kitchen with her, pushing coins into her hands for the inn stay. Apart from the couch, there really wasn’t any place for her to properly rest at the brothers’ house, so the inn was the only alternative. She tried to refuse, but Papyrus was adamant.

“If… If you can get him to talk later, about the formula-” she started in a whisper. Papyrus nodded his skull as he was given the stained notebook, but otherwise stayed quiet. “Message me in case anything h-happens, ok? And.. and don’t forget to take care of yourself, too!”

She had then collected her things and was gone. Sans remained quiet throughout his meal, contemplative and with a sullen air about him. Papyrus joined him at the table and rubbed his back, then settled for a hug.

“i.. just wanna forget it happened,” the smaller skeleton murmured quietly, a hollowness to his voice. “but.. he _knows.”_

“I KNOW, BROTHER…”

Sans was more emphatic the next he spoke, starting to tremble as heartache welled up inside of him. _“everything’s gonna be different-”_

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!! DON’T WORK YOURSELF UP, SANS. PLEASE!”

“we... we gotta move again,” came the dejected realisation and Papyrus held his brother tightly, shaking his skull against Sans’ shoulder in vehement denial.

He grasped at his brother’s clothes and shrank against Papyrus, every part of him trembling in fear. Everything felt like too much, emotions running high and heavy, Sans’ wants fighting with what he felt he had to do wrestling in his mind.

He didn’t want to move. He liked Snowdin. He… _really_ liked Grillby, but he wouldn’t be able to view him the same after this. He knew in his mind everything would be scrutinised or double-checked. Eventually he’d be gently pushed away and he’d be left heartbroken.

“DON’T THINK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW,” Papyrus pleaded with him, his voice quiet as he continued to rub his brother’s back, “I JUST WANT YOU TO RELAX… SLEEP SOME MORE. WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING. ALRIGHT?”

Sans knew he didn’t want to talk about it and sleeping on the corrupted thoughts would only amplify them. He drew in a shuddering breath and gave in to a slight nod so his brother wouldn’t worry too much about him.

He wasn’t made to sleep on the uncomfortable couch that night, nor in his destroyed bedroom. Sans faced away from his brother in Papyrus’ bed, staring off into the darkness as he went over things in his mind for the thousandth time.

The ache built up in his rib cage but he didn’t move. He truly felt as though everything had been ruined. He’d been able to dodge Grillby finding out for so long that… he had become complacent. He had opened up so much to the fire monster that even if Papyrus managed to convince him to stay, everything would be strained.

Broken.

Both friendship and… whatever they had before, lost.

The realisation hurt. No wonder Papyrus told him not to think about it. It was just too painful.

His brother must’ve realised that he was still awake and pulled him close. Sans shuddered against the warmth of Papyrus’ soothing magic, coaxing him to sleep. He did eventually, although it was restless.

The following morning both of them woke late. Papyrus didn’t panic as he normally would have, instead simply reached for his cell phone and texted Undyne that they needed a couple of days off with no further explanation. Sans appreciated that, at least.

He felt marginally better in body but his mind still stayed dark. He followed Papyrus around like a walking corpse, only half-listening to what his brother had to say. Somehow, Sans had stopped blocking and Papyrus was able to inform him that he recovered fairly quickly thanks to Alphys’ infusions. Sans only shuddered at the reminder. His health remained at 2 points, despite his rest.

While Papyrus handled phone calls from Alphys and Undyne, Sans slipped away to his room with his phone. There were a lot of messages and missed calls, mostly from Papyrus, trying to figure out where his phone went when Sans had unwittingly left it at the fire monster’s place.

Quite a few were from Grillby. Asking him where he was, when he was coming back. If he was upset with him. If he was awake. It had been three days ago, and things had become a lot more complicated than him accidentally saying ‘I love you’ and being too embarrassed to see Grillby again.

Sans rubbed at his face and put his phone down when he heard a knock at the door. Knowing it to be Papyrus, he ignored it and pushed his back against the wall at the end of the mattress in an agitated state.

“SANS? TIME TO GET OUT OF YOUR ASTUTE CONTEMPLATION ON LIFE AND COME OUTSIDE TO TALK!!”

“i really don’t wanna,” Sans muttered under his breath, drawing his legs up close to his body. Another knock and Sans bristled in irritation, then threw his phone at the door. _“go away, papyrus!!!”_

He didn’t care that his phone was now in pieces, nor that the door sported a large splintered chunk out of it. Sans grabbed a pillow and gripped it tightly, his whole body tensing in aggravation. With no outlet and his magic being locked away, he felt at a loss.

“BROTHER! THAT HAD BETTER NOT BEEN ANYTHING IMPORTANT! I’m so…” the rest of his sentence was muted, as though talking with someone else.

Sans swore under his breath and eyed everything in the room, wanting to throw more things to get his point across. He settled for the lamp and raised his left arm to move it with magic, but short of a dull throb in his soul and a vague shimmer around the object, nothing happened.

The door knob was tried. It clattered uselessly, as Sans had locked it. Good, that meant Papyrus and Alphys wouldn’t be able to get in. He tried drawing up his magic again for a shortcut, feeling the burn of the suppressant still coursing through his body in resistance. After a moment of trying with no success, he gasped breathlessly.

“fuck off!” he yelled after another knock, scrambling off his mattress to grab the lamp on his dresser, tearing it from the outlet on the wall.

“SANS, YOU KNOW I DON’T ABIDE BY SUCH LANGUAGE. THAT’S 4G YOU OWE TO THE SWEAR JAR NOW!”

“for fuck’s sake, papyrus, i just wanna be left _alone-”_ With all he could muster, Sans threw the lamp at the door. It shattered and sent ceramic pieces and dust, glass and the shade bouncing away with a satisfyingly loud crash. There was a pair of surprised voices from the other side of the door, only one sounded more like… a crispy snap?

Sans’ heart sunk as realisation came over him in a crushing wave of emotion.

Oh no.

“THAT’S 6G NOW, SANS! AND STOP THROWING THINGS AROUND LIKE A PETULANT CHILD!”

A different knock than before sounded and Sans retreated to the back of his room, furthest from the door. He looked around in a panic, his breaths picking up. No, Papyrus couldn’t have… not when he knew. Not when he said he didn’t want to see anyone!

_“Sans… Please open the door.”_

Just as he thought, Sans lamented internally. His hand automatically went to his sternum and he clenched hard, trying to squeeze away the heartache. In a moment of desperation, he went to his window to escape, then stopped. He decided that since his magic wasn’t heeding him, that the fall would likely break more bones than it was inherently worth.

“no,” Sans whimpered in despair, sinking against the wall and covering his skull with his hands. “no, pap, what the hell..?”

What was wrong with him! Why didn’t Papyrus get it? He wanted to be left alone. He didn’t want to see Grillby, nor did he want to see his fears come into resounding soul-crushing reality. He couldn’t bear the confrontation in such a weak state.

Everything had changed, but a part of Sans desperately wished that it wouldn’t matter.

“ALRIGHT, SANS, YOU'VE LEFT ME WITH NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE-!”

Sans shrank against the wall to hide further, whispering to himself to please, _please_ let him be able to escape. The suppressants were still affecting him though and his magic crackled pitifully, resulting in a rush of dizziness.

The door knob clattered again, then it simply came off when something struck it from the other side. When the door opened, Sans saw Papyrus’ body come into view, moving his hand in a way to shake away pain.

The bright light that flooded the room came from Grillby, who stepped in front of Papyrus with a vague nod of thanks. Sans stared past him to his brother, feeling again the sense of betrayal as Papyrus stayed behind.

Grillby walked into the room, every footstep sending a shock of terror through Sans’ body. With every step the fire monster took forward, the skeleton felt the walls closing in all around him and hid his face in his hands. He tried to take calming breaths. The least he could do was not have a breakdown while Grillby told him that he didn’t want to be with him anymore.

But that didn’t make sense. His mind was warping things again. Did he not say that he meant ‘so much’ to Grillby? Did ‘so much’ equal to something else, or to his pitiful form?

Sans was quiet but shaking when Grillby knelt in front of him. The sound of rattling bones was crystal clear when the fire monster reached out and settled his warm hands onto each of his shoulders. He felt the jolt of shock and heard the harsh intake of breath.

 _“I knew I shouldn’t have left,”_ the fire monster began softly, his tone remorseful. As if the words themselves burned him, Sans lowered his skull a little more and drew his legs closer to himself. _“Sans, will you allow me to speak without interruption..?”_

Sans’ breaths had become stuttered, but he nodded sadly. This was it, his mind told him. He was saying goodbye.

It was Grillby’s turn to inhale in preparation, the breath slow and deep while his ambient heat flooded the small room. It blanketed everything in a warm dancing glow.

 _“Do you remember… what I told you before?”_ With the skeleton’s hesitant nod, Grillby continued, _“But.. you do not believe me.”_ Sans shrank down even more, the action like a recoil. _“Or perhaps… it is because you have convinced yourself that things will change.”_

It hurt that the other was spelling his very fears out for him. His tone smooth, his voice soft and warm… it all hurt.

 _“....Personally think it preposterous, to be honest,”_ there was a twinge of rebuke, but Grillby’s tone remained even. He rubbed his palms along Sans’ tensed shoulders for comfort. _“All things considered… I believed you knew me better.”_

It was like a knife wound all over again. Sans shook his skull in disbelief, stopping his protest short. He’d promised he wouldn’t interrupt, but…

_“At any rate, we need to clear the air? It’s… unfair to torture ourselves like this. Perhaps I am at fault. I trusted you with my secret, after all. Remember..?”_

Hesitantly, the skeleton nodded. His breath hitched and unable to stop himself, he mumbled, “sunset.”

The other shushed him softly and rubbed at his shoulders again as he shook his head, _“No, not that…”_

Confused, Sans couldn’t help but glance to the other’s face. There was a moment of silence before Grillby tore his eyes away, as though ashamed, _“...Not going to make me repeat it.. are you?”_ His hands gently squeezed at Sans’ shoulders, sending a comforting heat through him. It felt like so long since he’d felt the other’s warmth that Sans stayed quiet, not knowing what to say.

 _“Perhaps… I will anyway, so that there remains no confusion,”_ Grillby added softly, leaning forward and Sans couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath with the other’s close whisper, _“...I am a star, remember?”_

It kindled sweeter memories in the skeleton and Sans couldn’t help the soft hum of admission, nor the way his body leaned towards the fire monster’s comforting heat. The silent acknowledgement made his soul twinge in pain.

_“A fiery star earthbound, but.. one nonetheless. And there is one secret that.. perhaps I should have made you aware of. Before.. this happened.”_

‘This’ had a bitter tone in the word and Sans hung his skull again, attempting to keep calm. He couldn’t help the soft sigh that escaped him when Grillby’s hands moved up from his shoulders and cradled his jaw, forcing him to look at his face. Then the fire monster smiled and Sans could see the bright crack of the other’s mouth, the jagged curvature he’d lost himself in so many times. His eyes were bright and kind, blazing behind his glasses with a kindling of care and concern.

If he wasn’t so sure he was being dumped, Sans would have leaned in for a kiss.

Grillby seemed to be struggling, if the skeleton could call it that. He was close enough to see the bright sclera of his eyes move slightly as he was watched and he shrank down again, preparing himself for the finishing blow.

 _“...Have known all this time, Sans,”_ was the soft whisper, hanging in the air between them. It took Sans several moments to process what had been said that he wasn’t entirely sure he could trust his mind just then.

Grillby had known?

About what… he…

“you…” Sans’ words died, caught in the middle of a surprised gasp and being so thunderstruck that he couldn’t form words.

 _“I’ve known,”_ Grillby murmured quietly, a secret shared between just the two of them as he drew himself up closer. His face was a hair’s breadth away from Sans’, who remained stock still after lowering his arms and staring at the other. _“I’ve known for awhile.”_

“how...” It seemed pointless to ask, but the skeleton _had_ to know. When did he mess up? Where had it happened? A flurry of memories of their time spent together came back to him, but… nothing popped up of Grillby treating him any differently. _“when?”_ he tried again, his voice catching.

Grillby was smiling in that teasing little way he did and all Sans could do was stare at him in shock. Apprehensively, the skeleton raised his hands in a pleading gesture, fingers hooking into the fabric of Grillby’s shirt.

 _“Awhile ago,”_ the fire monster murmured evasively.

Sans’ mind was running a mile a minute, searching Grillby’s visage for any hint of deception. The fear still roiled inside of him, coupled with utmost bafflement.

He really thought he had been so careful.

“since.. since the.. caves?”

Grillby’s smile remained the same, but there was something playful in his eyes that challenged him. _“...Try again.”_

Sans exhaled again, trying to calm himself. He thought back to all the little moments they shared, nothing standing out apart from when he was sleeping with Grillby nearby. “before?” The fire monster nodded and Sans felt another shock go through his system, still searching. “the ferry?”

Grillby chuckled softly, not meaning to poke fun, _“Earlier than that.”_

“you… gotta be kiddin’ me. the, um.. date?”

The fire monster clicked his tongue in lighthearted admonishment, _“Not even close.”_

“first date..?” Sans’ voice was becoming more stricken the further back he thought about their time together, not finding any pockets of opportunity that Grillby could’ve found out. When the other merely shook his head in denial, the skeleton’s trembling died down a little.

“firs.. first k-kiss?”

 _“...Are you honestly going back chronologically to pinpoint when I found out?”_ Grillby chuckled and rubbed the ridges of Sans’ cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs. He was aching to kiss him, especially with the other’s eye lights staring at him in such disbelief. He just wanted to comfort him, convince him everything was fine, and hold him in his arms.

“when.. when i…” Sans started, having leaned forward a little. His grip tightened a bit more on the other’s shirt, then he smoothed out his phalanges and pressed his palm against Grillby’s chest with the next memory. “...the echo-”

Grillby couldn’t help but smooth down one hand from Sans’ jaw and meet it with his sternum, pressing his mouth against the other’s in a brief but passionate kiss. The skeleton looked a mixture of dazed and surprised, still searching Grillby’s visage through the kiss and gasping softly once it was broken. “then?”

The fire monster laughed softly, _“Wrong.”_

“i.. i don’t get it,” Sans whispered desperately. “i don’t get it-” he repeated, louder.

He was cut off by another kiss, gentler than before but sending heated pinpricks through his bones. Still confused once it ended, he tried again, “the, the shortcuts..?”

Grillby was kissing him again, every warm touch blinking out his doubts one by one. His cheekbone, his temple, down to his chin, all the while he could feel a lingering burst of comfort behind each one. He was so confused at how Grillby knew before he Checked that Sans’ mind blanked out for a moment, allowing himself to be covered in kisses.

 _“Ice cold,”_ the fire monster murmured against his neck with a breathy chuckle, _“Regardless… you cannot figure it out?”_

Hesitantly, Sans shook his skull, the other’s fire tickling at his bones enough to make his breaths pant.

_“...And.. what does that tell you?”_

“you’re good at keepin’ secrets,” the skeleton gasped through another barrage of kisses against the vertebrae at his neck, arching slightly despite the throb of pain in his spine. Sans honestly didn’t know where or how Grillby found out, nor why he was so insistent on showing him affection.

_“Perhaps that… Or perhaps, viewing you any differently just didn’t occur to me.”_

Sans’ gaze flicked down to the soft glow behind his hand at Grillby’s chest, unable to say anything for the moment. Despite his mind attempting to warp the words into something more sinister, he had a feeling Grillby was being honest with him. That those words were comforting and warm, just like him, and the skeleton began trembling for a whole new reason.

It would take awhile, but he didn’t want to put the word ‘acceptance’ to the feeling. Comfort was definitely there, reassurance was all the fire monster had been to him. The kisses were gentle and Sans allowed the affection, unable to draw a connection between the pity he suspected and the insurmountable longing he felt.

He couldn’t help the distressed noise that left him when Grillby pulled back from the kiss, feeling the heated glow spark at his jawline with each gasp for breath.

“i, i can’t-” Grillby cut off the rest of his sentence with another kiss. Then another, and another, until Sans didn’t know what his original thought was.

 _“You can,”_ the fire monster breathed between gentle gasps, hoping the kisses would convince the other how much he meant to him, _“You always can.”_

“i mean,” Sans cut himself off, breaths becoming more ragged the more Grillby showered him in affection, “i.. i can’t kiss back-”

Grillby heard the half-distressed, half-chuckle from the skeleton and stopped, allowing the other a break. His fingers had twisted themselves into the fabric of his shirt and Sans was leaning forward, every bit of him trembling as he willed himself to calm down.

“what i mean is… y’know alph gave me suppressants. i, um… can’t use magic to-” Sans shifted slightly, then covered the hand pressed against his sternum with his own, his wry grin turning into a grimace. “oh god… i’ve made a wreck of things for sure now.”

 _“Never,”_ the fire monster assured him. His next kiss was more tender, placed against the other’s brow. With it, he pushed a comforting heat into the bone, hearing a soft, shuddering sigh escape Sans in response. _“...Could’ve chosen an easier way for me to see your room, though.”_

As if several things inside of him cracked at once, Sans slumped against the wall and covered his face with one hand. His shoulders shook and for a moment Grillby was concerned his friend had broken down into tears. Laughter is what greeted him, hesitant, almost rueful, but it was laughter - and he never felt such relief at hearing the thing he’d gotten so accustomed to in his life.

Sans appreciated the attempt at a joke, he really did. He was still dazed and shocked with the revelation of the other’s knowledge. He was even more shocked when Grillby pulled him away from the wall, gently, encircling his arms around him and holding him flush to his own body. Both the other’s palms smoothed over his back, echoing heat and comfort as his embrace tightened without hesitance.

He honestly knew.

It sounded like... he really didn’t judge him for it.

No pity.

Treated him the same.

Didn’t treat him like glass.

Stuck with him, whenever it was that he’d discovered it.

Sans knew it would bother him for a time and he’d linger on ‘what ifs’, but - he would try. If Grillby honestly went out of his way to confront him, to console him and make him feel better...

...well then, Sans would give it the ol’ college try. He was, after all, being held to very high standards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grillby is so persistent and gentle and loving, I love himmm ;u; This chapter is one of my faves.  
> Papyrus has definitely learned that throwing Grillby at Sans works when he's in one of his 'moods'.
> 
> I'm not sure if it was the frequency or the subject matter that didn't jive with people... but these were amongst my favourite chapters to write. :'D
> 
> The angst arc is done. Time for fluffies ~~and possibly softcore smut on the horizon.~~
> 
> Postcards is 5 months old and broke 4k hits! Thank you to everyone for reading. I didn't think it would get such a following. <3


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